(I like to write poems, they help me understand what I am feeling, remember that there are days when I find myself having a little more hope and strength)

The more I think about it
The crazier it appears to me
That we are expected to want
To be the same

And I don’t mean thin
Or pretty or wealthy
Successful or smart
I mean happy

Do whatever make you happy
Sure… but what if we don’t want that
Or care for it
What even means to be happy

That’s a rather big debate
Doing what we want to do
Being in charge of as much of our life as possible
If we aren’t? we are screwed

I don’t know you but
That’s not enough for me
To consider myself happy
Then again, I kinda lost my interest for it

Call it depression or a death wish
I am not looking for happiness
That’s not what I want
Why? I believe I’m incapable of it

There are way too many things wrong
With me, with the world
To be happy
So I rather not care at all

About being happy I mean
It’s not possible
To hate so much
And be what people expect

So here’s my outlook on life
I live for the moments
The laughs, all the joy and love
The tears, the fights and all the anger

I live to feel
And the worst moments for me
Are the ones when I don’t feel
Because that’s just pointless

Pain isn’t fun either
And it makes everything seem worthless
And maybe it is
But if I have to be alive

I might as well live
Even if it is just for a second
Why can’t I be happy?
Because I live a second once in a while

(If you read this, thank you. it means the world to me)