ok this week i tock up the chalange of slowly stopping some of my OCD behaviours. i stated with walking on breaks that face the wrong way, and on crakes. it was terrifing at first i did it for one day then went back to doing it the "right" way and found my legs where hurting after that day, so i went back to doing it the "wrong" way. i should note i still plucked for hours a day but it was ok. after 3 days it rained and my shoes where durty i wanted to clean them so badly, so i plucked hair for 15hs on and off. i know i shouldn't have but after 6hs my mother called fully knowing that i was finnaly getting help for my OCD called to tell me my grandfather had cancer again. for a strange reson the 3 people in my family who have hand cancer always getting right when i start to try and beat OCD. over course my brain said "its all your fult, if you keep this up he will die, your lucky that you didn't complety stop or other wise he would be die rigfht now" in a circle of hours. while this was going on and i was plucking, a few things came into my head, the time it takes to get the results let alone for my grandmother to tell anyone would be at lest a week or two, so how could i have coused it? it happened while i was doing the behavours. so if my behavours didn't stop this it just means mitoses did it, and i have no control over it. and i have no control over other things. my world stated sping even writing this it starts sping again. i think i made progess but i dont know how long it will last this time.

2 Comments
  1. chez 9 years ago

    It’s good that you have managed to challange yourself and accomplished it but don’t let the OCD make you think by doing this it made your grandfather ill it’s not possible it not your fault i know easy to say right and believing it is another thing but i hope you keep up the good work. I too hate dirty shoes or trainers when they get really dirty i give them to my mum and buy new ones really need to stop it lol.

     

    I hope your grandfather fights and wins his battle my thoughts are with you all.

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  2. s2norris 9 years ago

    I think you are amazing by being strong enough to try to change your habits.  That is a very courageous thing to do.  I also believe that my rituals control what will happen to the people I love and myself.  I really know that I cannot control what happens in this world but I cant convience my mind otherwise.  Hang in there and congrats on the big step forward!

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