So, it's getting harder for me to post during the day because has the day goes on, the more I shut down and Just don't bother posting.

.

it seems the most energy I have is the alte night- dark morning. so…yeah. sorry. (like anyone really cares)

.

but for a moment yesterday there was a forced peace between me and mom but by that night it was blown straight into hell.

.

and it got bad, I was crying and cutting for hours. she got really verbally abusive. threating me, and demeaning my pain.

.

then after all of that, she said she forgave ME, and she still 'Loves' me! WHAT THE FUCK!? she should be apologizing!

.

but she said she had nothing to be sorry for! and she pinned the blame all on me. and my brother just stood by not even throwing me a life jacket.

.

Now I know where he stands. and as far as april- (she's not a mother, so i won't even call her such) I.am.done. I'M DONE, this was the very last straw!

.

I will never forgive her and I told her I'm tired of being her scape goat and that I don't consider her to be a mother.

.

today she better not so much as look at me, because I'm not taking her shit. her abuse, her treating me less then dirt. i'm done.

.

Once, long ago it seems, I had faith in God. it was strong, but now. I'm alone, I see him no where to be seen, and i have lost it.

.

it's sad to say but I have and all I want, All I 'pray' for is death. If he really is listening anymore. that's the least he could do.

.

I give up. I refuse to be apart of this kind of world any more.