this reminds me of livejournal. i have nothing to write about right now.

today i woke up, went to my therapy, my therapist is self conscious and doesn’t say the right things, then went to class, found out we have a group presentation and was very unhappy about it because interacting with people is very stressful for me… came back here, cleaned a whole lot which was excruciating and not something i am accustomed to, but i had to because we got a cat today. we’re fostering her. she is reeeeally nice, she isn’t even scared. and she purrs soooo freakishly. and for the first few days she has to stay in one room so she isn’t overwhelmed or something, so she’s staying in my and my roommate’s room. which is awesome except that her litter box is also in here but whatever.

my friend called a little while ago asking if i wanted to go out to dinner with them. i kind of don’t and i’m really nervous because it’s alarmingly difficult for me to stay composed in a restaurant setting… that sounds weird, i don’t know, i get self conscious when i have to order and stuff like that, and i don’t know where to sit, and there’s all these people around, and everyone is watching me eat, and then if there’s leftover food i have to take it home but like is that weird? i mean, no, obviously. but like i feel weird. so anyway that’s like in an hour and a half. also i’m really tired and am not dressed or wearing makeupppp. i’m only going because i know if i don’t i’ll be super depressed. and also because i am fairly positive they’ll drink with me afterwards. i’ve gotten drunk the past two nights in a row. lately i’ve realized that it might be a better use of my time to just like LET myself be fucked up instead of fighting it. i’m miserable either way but at least i can do destructive things this way, which are fun usually, and i honestly don’t care about longterm consequences because i kind of don’t plan on being alive past 40.. i mean i don’t plan on not being alive, i just like, i guess i’m not going out of my way to accomodate my future self because i don’t really know if that’s a worthy investment…

that’s basically what i’m like, who wants to be friends?


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