So we have had our good days and our bad days. But last night leads me to believe that we are really being tormented by demons or something of evil nature. We had a GREAT day. We were joking around with each other and laughing and just having a good evening. We were going to bed early, which I was thankful for since we usually stay up past midnight playing games on our phones. So for the fact that we went to bed without so much as checking the time on our phones, I thought that wasa blessing. Then a friend of mine texted about 12:40AM and I heard it and thought it was an email. I looked at my phone but I was half asleep. I vaguely remember even waking up. So my fiancee asks who it was and in my groggy state I reply "An email". Well he goes off saying I lied to him and that I was texting when really all I remember is seeing the light from my phone and the screen was blurred. I don't even remember grabbing my phone to tell the truth. So he's getting upset and I give him my phone to quiet him down because, really, I have nothing to hide. So he's there texting my friend and I'm not even getting upset over anything. I think you know what I'm not hiding anything, I let him look through my phone and I don't care if he does because there's nothing on there that I wouldn't want him to see.But he's getting upset saying that I'm hiding texts from him and that I'm not telling him about who texts me and when, He just starts yelling and going psycho. What freaked me out was that the pupils of his eyes looked pretty dilated. I'm not sure what the requirements are for being fully dilated but they were pretty big. I could tell it wasn't him, there was somethinig fueling that anger within him. He has never acted the way he did last night. He was demanding to see my backup phone which I never use. So I'm there telling him I forget about it because this past weekend my mom charged it since it died and he starts accusing me of using so I'm there trying to explain to him in a drowsy state that phones will die regardless if you use them, that they just have to be on which seems like an asinine argument considering it should be general if not common knowledge. So I'm being compliant with his demands and I start getting irritated at the fact that I'm here practically giving up one of the last bits of privacy to him and he's fixated on the "you lied to me" bit. That's when I lost it myself. I started yelling back at him and it turns into a shouting match. Then finally it hits me, this isn't my sweetheart. The sweetheart I had become to know was starting to be able to watch things related to baseball on TV without getting upset. He was starting to get better as I knew it. We were arguing less, we were giving each other space where it was needed unlike before. We were having a great night and then it turned into this psycho parade. What else could want to destroy that happiness and peace we had begun to feel in our relationship other than the devil himself? I wondered for a moment if that could be it so then I screamed at the top of my lungs which I had never done before. I yelled "Leave David alone, leave us alone". Then he got really enfuriated. I feel that there was in fact a demon inside of him playing along as David just going psycho. But I knew better and I discovered him, which is why he got enfuriated and stormed out of the room.I followed him, begging him to forgive me and come back to bed. I must've cried for three hours or longer. I just could not find it in me to sleep. I could hear him still awake, too. I guess all of the anger and emotions going through was too much to handle asleep. I tried touching him, just to feel his skin, but he moved away and said not to touch him which only made me cry more. That was not my David. He blames me for it, he says I brought it upon myself. How could simple technology move a wedge in between us in such a dramatic way? These "friends" that I supposedly lie about are harmless. I have never so much as even held their hands. They don't see me in that light and I don't either. They know about our engagement, they know about our relationship. As I lied awake, I thought to myself, he robbed me of my sanity leaving me nothing but a fearful, empty, emotionless shell of a person. But my faith is going to make me stronger. I felt like I failed David and failed God for losing myself in evil's rage. I'm usually stronger, but I'll just have to keep praying…

2 Comments
  1. graham38 10 years ago

     I was sorry to read your blog,and hear of your fall out with your boyfriend.

    I was encouraged to read that you take your faith very seriously,that can only ever be a good thing in your life.

    Praying,is away of talking,sharing and listening to God,and should always be encouraged to give you support in your life.

    Although I have to say,prayer is never enough.

    You really have to sit down with your boyfriend and talk,really talk,be honest about how he made you feel that night,but alo listen to him,and hear where his anger came from.

    You will no,i hope,that talking is one of the best therapies available,so its the same in your relationships,talk and talk,until it is resolved.

    Living with your illness,makes everything in life 100% much harder than others have it,learn to talk and share your hopes and pains.

    I hope this is helpful advice from an old man,having been threw a broken marriage,where we didnt talk and share,which ultimitely led to the break up.

    Take care,God bless,always

    graham

     

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  2. Tali_G87 10 years ago

    Thank you both so much for your support!! There are days when I can be really tolerant and patient with him when he gets angry because I know I've been on the other side myself a few times, but there are times where this anger just comes over me and i can't control it. Surprisingly, he's never done ecstasy compared to the other things he's done, lol. Usually the  only times he gets like this are when he's drunken too much but he didnt' drink at all yesterday since he had a doctor's appointment at 5pm and I beat him home. He did, however, get a steroid shot for his sinus infection though. Now sure if that played a role in this psychotic outburst. I do need to talk to him, but not right now I guess. He was still angry this morning and I can understand that. To him, I lied and betrayed him in a way. Maybe I'm taking too many hits, but for now all I can do is pray. Again thank you both so much!

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