SO i havent been on in a while, and my last blog rendered NO comments so i didnt feel to supported on here. but i need support. help. anything. advice mostly on this one… i got robbed 2 years ago at gun point. It was my worst fear come true… it gave me PTSD, remember this. (it was also at my friends apartment when it happened.)
my bf got moved to third shift. he went from first, to third. so im alone. in an unarmed house. i find myself waking up every morning around 5 (if i dont take ZZZQuil to knock me out…) to go to the bathroom, and cant go back to sleep because im alone and the house is creepy and he isn\'t there. What makes me angr, hence my mood, is that he went into this third shift with the mentality it is temporary until they post a first shift job at his work, then he will switch back, but he seems SO happy and LOVES third shift. Everytime he says he had a good night, it makes me cringe because hes saying this at 7 when he gets home, while ive been up since 5 becuse im scared on the inside and feel alone without him because hes on his beloved third shift. i think he\'s wanting it to be permanent…. if so, im screwed. i cant afford ADT even if we split the bill.
im grateful he has a job, im happy he\'s happy … to an extent. i wish he was happier on third and kinda hated third so he would have motivation to try getting on first more, or find a new job entirely just so he can be with me at night and be by my side. My psychology teacher has been acting as my personal psychiatrist… and found out something new.
apparently when i make plans with my friends, i ind myself cancelling a lot. I genuinly want to see them, so i dont know why i keep cancelling and flaking out on them. My teacher said its probably because i was in a social environment when i was robbed, thus making me kinda scared and nervous in a sense to hang out with friends, because something bad can happen. and i use my bf as an excuse to leave early a lot, and to even cancel, probably because he IS MY SAFETY. which once again, i feel i have no safety with him on third shift.
Ever since he has been on third shift im ALWAYS tired now probably depressed) i feel more angry and moody… i just feel like my anxiety, PTSD, depression AND even my bipolar 2 are getting stirred up all because he isnt with me as much anymore. i hate his job. i hate him being away, i dont know what to do, or how to feel better, advice? =[ i need it…. or at least some understanding…