Hello, I’m sorry to hear that you’re experiencing this very difficult time. You’re not alone in that feeling tho, over the summer I felt like I had “recovered” from deep depression and anxiety, felt good enough that I thought maybe this was going to be the way it was from now on, and that excited me! But I too have relapsed over the past two months and it’s been an…agonizing experience, at times it felt pointless, the progress I made before, only for it to all go away! I felt angry at myself, I thought it was my fault, but with some perspective from some friends and family, I slowly realized that it’s not my fault, it’s the nature of the illness and of recovery.

We’re lost, we’re unlost, we’re lost again, we’re unlost again. “Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.” -2 Corinthians 12:10 <<< I'm not a religious person but I heard this passage once and it really struck with me.

In our dark and fragile moments we are really extraordinarily strong. You are surviving, and you will get to the good days again. I have been experiencing a lot of racing thoughts, rumination, even suicidal thoughts these past two months, but like ashleyanzora said, try to ground yourself to the ones you love, and to things that enrich your life. What do you enjoy doing? Do that! And try to do it wholeheartedly, almost like distracting yourself. The objective is to crowd out the bad thoughts with the actual action of doing something you really enjoy. Spend time with a friend, draw, swim, watch a favorite movie.

You got this, in time the feelings and thoughts will subside. Relapse is normal. It's ok to fall down, you just have to choose to stand up again.