Looking back as to when I joined the tribe, its been 6 years, I’ve suffered from anxiety about 11 years now, I can say is been a roller coaster, I got to a point where I could say I was 100% better, no meds and no crazy thoughts in my head, no feelings of fear or anger everything good. I have relapsed, hit rock bottom, these past months I’ve been feeling scared, sad, helpless and the worse having trouble concentrating with so many racing thoughts. Anxiety sucks and is crazy out of no where I trigger myself into panic attacks thinking…am I ok? how’s my heart? is it racing? will it stop? it hurts? am I gonna die? am I having a heart attack? why me? is not easy I don’t want to stay alone and I cant keep telling my family stop living their lives to take care of me, I am 33 years old I don’t feel the same anymore, I tried to stay positive as much as I can but is hard, I’m in need of so much words of encouragement…any one reads these blogs anymore? there’s so much I could say and keep on writing forever, my life seems perfect, why am I not happy? I guess this is the part of the anxiety that prevents me from doing things I used to love, is that making me depressed, am I depressed? sometimes I can’t tell, I don’t cry or feel like cutting or dying, I wanna do so many things but my fear of “what if’s” don’t let me, so many scenarios and questions in my head are exhausting a constant battle with myself, I just hope the feelings go away soon, venting here feels good, at least I know you guys won’t judge and encourage me.