Looking back as to when I joined the tribe, its been 6 years, I’ve suffered from anxiety about 11 years now, I can say is been a roller coaster, I got to a point where I could say I was 100% better, no meds and no crazy thoughts in my head, no feelings of fear or anger everything good.  I have relapsed, hit rock bottom, these past months I’ve been feeling scared, sad, helpless and the worse having trouble concentrating with so many racing thoughts. Anxiety sucks and is crazy out of no where I trigger myself into panic attacks thinking…am I ok? how’s my heart? is it racing? will it stop? it hurts? am I gonna die? am I having a heart attack? why me? is not easy I don’t want to stay alone and I cant keep telling my family stop living their lives to take care of me, I am 33 years old I don’t feel the same anymore, I tried to stay positive as much as I can but is hard, I’m in need of so much words of encouragement…any one reads these blogs anymore? there’s so much I could say and  keep on writing forever, my life seems perfect, why am I not happy? I guess this is the part of the anxiety that prevents me from doing things I used to love, is that making me depressed, am I depressed? sometimes I can’t tell, I don’t cry or feel like cutting or dying, I wanna do so many things but my fear of “what if’s” don’t let me, so many scenarios and questions in my head are exhausting a constant battle with myself, I just hope the feelings go away soon, venting here feels good, at least I know you guys won’t judge and encourage me.

3 Comments
  1. ashleyanzora 3 years ago

    Hello, I’m sorry to hear that your struggling but my best advice for you would be don’t question yourself. What ever decision you make is probably the right one so don’t overthink it and just act. Don’t let negative thoughts ruin your day nor control your mind. Think positive and focus on being happy with your family and loved ones.

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  2. existentialcrisisjavi 3 years ago

    Hello, I’m sorry to hear that you’re experiencing this very difficult time. You’re not alone in that feeling tho, over the summer I felt like I had “recovered” from deep depression and anxiety, felt good enough that I thought maybe this was going to be the way it was from now on, and that excited me! But I too have relapsed over the past two months and it’s been an…agonizing experience, at times it felt pointless, the progress I made before, only for it to all go away! I felt angry at myself, I thought it was my fault, but with some perspective from some friends and family, I slowly realized that it’s not my fault, it’s the nature of the illness and of recovery.

    We’re lost, we’re unlost, we’re lost again, we’re unlost again. “Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.” -2 Corinthians 12:10 <<< I'm not a religious person but I heard this passage once and it really struck with me.

    In our dark and fragile moments we are really extraordinarily strong. You are surviving, and you will get to the good days again. I have been experiencing a lot of racing thoughts, rumination, even suicidal thoughts these past two months, but like ashleyanzora said, try to ground yourself to the ones you love, and to things that enrich your life. What do you enjoy doing? Do that! And try to do it wholeheartedly, almost like distracting yourself. The objective is to crowd out the bad thoughts with the actual action of doing something you really enjoy. Spend time with a friend, draw, swim, watch a favorite movie.

    You got this, in time the feelings and thoughts will subside. Relapse is normal. It's ok to fall down, you just have to choose to stand up again.

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    • Author
      briza_84 3 years ago

      thank you so much for this, i just saw it sorry had misplaced my password.

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