Hi, I am a 42 yr. old woman whom is going thru sobriety for the very first time in my life.  I smoked marijuana for over 20 years of my life and was on valium for the last 4 years.  I one day just woke up and something hit me and I realized I no longer wanted to be controlled by drugs.  I put myself into detox on March 24, and have been sober since.  I joined a guidance center which I attend on Monday and Thursday evenings with all woman for group support.  I also go there on Wednesday evenings for one on one counceling.  I have been dealing with big time anxiety since I stopped doing the drugs.  I feel myself build up with anger for no specific reason(at least not one I can pick out), and I feel the base of my skull,and the top of my spine grow a non stop pounding.  I do not seem to be happy over anything.  I have a wonderful husband, two beautiful children, a gorgeous home, so what is my problem???  I clean houses for a living, and am very busy.  I do not seem to be able to figure out anything that I want to do just for me!  I am not fighting the fight of wanting to go back to drugs, I am fighting the fight of getting to know and love me.  I don't seem to be able to figure out what I am here for besides being a wife, mother, caregiver, housecleaner…WHAT ABOUT ME?????????????  How does one go about loving themselves?    

Please send me feedback and let me know if anyone can relate to my story.  I am willing to receive any advise you are willing to offer. 

Thank you all in advance for reading this blog.  I needed to get it out!!

 

1 Comment
  1. Tammi 14 years ago

    Hello,
    First, I'm sorry that you are having difficulties.  Having said that I'm so proud of you for making such a positive change in your life!  Congrats!  That is an amazing decision you've made!  Finding out who you are can be very frustrating right now but I think when you look back you'll see this was maybe one of the most exciting parts of your journey.  Because now your rediscovering yourself and just the fact that is your goal is the first step to loving yourself enough to care.

    I have some suggestions that may seem trite at first but they can be a big help. 
    –  To start shifting how you think, each day write down something you are thankful for in your life.  No repeating things.  It can be something big or something small.  Either way write down something each time.
    –  Take some unplanned time each day – even if it is 15 minutes and learn to relax and enjoy some quiet.  Much more difficult doing then saying.  Sometimes we are so busy "doing" that we forget how to just "be".
    – Look through some magazines or things online etc. and look for things that interest you.  Do you like outdoors?  Crafts?  Building things?  Helping others?  Reading?  Writing?  Painting?  Sports?  What do you like?  Start looking around for things that appeal to you and then make a list of those things.  Plan on trying one or two a week if you are able.  See what you enjoy and don't enjoy.  You'll soon start rediscovering more about yourself.

    I'm on my way out the door so these are jotted pretty quick and just what I think of at the moment.  I wanted to respond so I'm doing this as fast as I can.  Hope these are helpful to you. 

    I'd also suggest talking to your medical doctor and let them know of your physical symptoms etc. and see what they would suggest. 

    *hugs*

    Tammi

      

     

     

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