Tomorrow won’t be like today. That is what I tell myself to make me feel better. I have always had anxiety. It comes and goes like everything in life.  Somedays are great. I can function, work at a high level, make dinner and take a shower before bed. Somedays are not so great. I’m in a fog, I can only do the bare minimum at work. Dinner is a frozen pizza and I am so over sensitized that a shower isn’t an option before I lay down at night. I can go months if not years with no real anxiety symptoms and then one morning I will wake up and know it’s going to be bad day. I limit my caffeine and try to talk supportively to myself like I would a friend but I struggle. It’s hard. I smoke more – yes I know I know nicotine is terrible. I eat comfort food. I watch cartoons like I’m 10 because I can’t handle the realness of some shows even though this year is my last year in my 30’s. This time around, I have a good reason for my stress and anxiety though and I try to keep that in the forefront of my mind.  My mom, this crazy lady that I am so much alike, has cancer. It has spread to her spine. Even as I write those words, I tear up. For so many of us anxiety ridden people, the unknown is our worst enemy right? Wouldn’t we rather have bad news than no news? It’s soothing to us. Well, we don’t know how long she has. It can be 5 years, 10 years, next year. The unknown is scary. I try to be logical about this whole situation but you know logic, anxiety and emotions are never on the same page. Top that with parental guilt over having a 12 year old that has inherited your anxiety/OCD genes and it is a mess. For me in these times, I forget that I am not alone. I forget there are other people dealing with similar circumstances. I forget that my anxiety isn’t confined to just me. It gives me a little bit of comfort to remember. Even writing these, as hard as it is to see emotions put in words makes me feel a little better. Tomorrow will be a better day.

 

 

 

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