I had a very interesting and insightful conversation with my best friend tonight. She's undergoing some absolutely amazing changes in her heart and her spirit through the grace of God. It's so cool to see her, or I should say hear her, so happy and at peace. Part of me knows and accepts that that same spirit of peace and forgiveness is available to me, yet there's another part of me (which I think is mostly controlled by the depression/anxiety) that just feels like I'm not worth it…I've messed things up way too much….or the simple fact I just can't do it. In reality, I know it's as simple as a prayer, and just TRUSTING in God's love and allowing that love to touch my heart and my spirit, but at the same time I think I"m scared to death of that simple fact. I"m 40 yrs old, and if you asked me the ever popular therapy question of who are you?? ….sad enough to admit, at 40 yrs old, I wouldn't have a clue how to answer that question. I want that love and I want that peace that I can hear in my best friend's voice, but at the same time it scares me to death…..I mean what if I mess that up too??? I seem to be so good at blowing quality relationships..so what would make this one any different??? I know this is the depression talking…but I mean what would the creator of the universe want with me???? I know what's been spoken over my life by awesome people of God….but my depression has sunk my spirit so far out of reach….I can't find that light anymore. I want to…I know it's there…..but I just need that hand to help me find the way back.
wantingtorunaway, , Depression, Anxiety, Depression, Forgiveness, Grief, Questions, Relationships, Therapy, 0