• Well I’m Caitie.

im not exactly sure how the tribe works.. but here is a bit of myself..

i was diagnosed with a panic disorder when I was thirteen years old.

I was always a kid that was more nervous than the others.. no one ever thought much of it. The weird stomach issues. The hives. Not wanting to do group activities or be in crowds. Once I got a bit older and my parents separated, the anxiety became such a heavy weight on my chest I couldn’t make it through a school day with out having a panic attack.

I would completely lose my breath. The tingling in the face and limbs, anticipation of destruction. It would feel as though my whole world, everything around me, was preparing to shatter. And I had to hold it together… but how could I hold all these tiny pieces if I couldn’t breath? Couldn’t move my hands… doubled over with chest pains.. I would be in the neuroses office nearly blue and my mother would be called to come pick me up. I had had an “episode”.

After that I saw an adolescent psychologist who put me on an SSRI. It changed my life. Once my levels were regulated I was able to learn about the disorder.. and what it means to have anxiety.

It means I am more careful than others. It means I am less likely to forget something when packing for a trip. It means that I always have alternate routes prepared when driving somewhere new. It means that I feel with my whole body and not just my heart. That is my favorite part.

Although now, I am 21, working with children with behavioral problems, living with a boyfriend who is wonderful. Doing yoga and buying essential oils. Still I struggle.

Most days its the struggle most people on here are used to… the small things that people with anxiety just inherently learn to cope with. Other days it’s overwhelming.. and I find myself asking the question more and more often “will I ever be able to be comfortable again without medication”