Ok, here this goes. I've just joined the site and this is my first blog here.   ….. I'm really not for sure as to what I should say though. …. I guess I could start off by telling you a little about myself and what brought me here.

At an early age my mother began to abuse me.  I was molested twice between the ages of 5 and 7  by ppl that my mother knew and on both times she didn't believe me when I told her. At age 9 I was removed from her custody and thrown into the system bouncing around in it until the day I graduated from highschool.

During all those years I suffered with panic attacks and a few bouts of depression. The depression didn't really hit me until my second child was born and within a month after his birth I lost my grandpa , who I was very close to. He had been the only father figure I had ever had in my life. Losing him was the one thing that I couldn't deal with. All my life I struggled and dealt with so many problems that just sucked , but his death was the one to push me over the edge.

The depression came in and took total control over me and the next thing I know I'm in the hospital with a cup of activated charcoal in my hand, then I'm being led to the fourth floor where I stayed for a little over a month.

My marriage couldn't weather my depression and mood swings. I lost my two babies in the divorce because my x's family had a load of money, I didn't so I was unable to fight for my children. My heart was broken in two over the loss of my babies. The depression took me down even further and the panic attacks at that point was almost unbareable. I took up drinking to mask the pain I was in.

There for many months I didn't get to see my children and during that time you couldn't find me sober at any given time day or night it didn't matter. After, I was able to see my kids again the drinking subsided some, but I never quit completley. I never drank around the kids just whenever they wern't around.

A few years after my divorce, my youngest son was born. I loved being a fulltime mommy again and was so happy  when he was born. The thought of being a single parent didn't phase me at all. My youngest son has been my savior many times, if not for him I would have already committed suicide or died in some nasty car wreck driving drunk. I'm the only one he has ever known in his life and I couldn't bare to leave him on this wicked earth all alone. Now, he has had his step-dad since the age of three.

I have a wonderful husband, despite the fact that he refuses to learn about my conditions, he hates what I have but he won't do anything to better understand me. I try to look over that though sometimes I'm unable to and I tend to stir up a stink about it from time to time.

Well, I'm beginning to ramble on here and I didn't intend to be this long, darn it's like the never ending story. No wonder I have panic attacks! lol  Anyways I'm happy to be here and I look forward to meeting some of you and getting to know ya's                         Kimber  Smile

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