Feeling a bit better today than the last few days and managed to get some normal mundane things done sooner than later. Even did most of filing my papers. Not managed to go out though. I think I have a talent for cooking as well as singing. So many people have hidden talents. But then there are not enough outlets for people to show and express them. Anyway. still feeling quite mellow, though surprisingly not depressed so much. I know Im the one who has to make my life work. I though life was supposed to get easier as I got older. I have certainly done many things in the past but not enough of them worked out. There is a big sadness in regret and lost opportunities in life. I know that perhaps I made the best decisions I could at the time. Also I didn't know everything, or I wouldn't have made so many mistakes. There was a film on tv Saturday night called starter for 10 with university students. It made me think that when you are younger life is usually simpler. I have added more layers and dimensions to my life as I have got older. I wasn't sure what I was going to write today…. In th absence of a real life physical partner, I find myself noticing my walls here. I need to spend more time out of the house. Pursue what you can achieve in life and also be realistic. Possible that you need to fight and struggle to achieve your view of happiness and success. The thing is that it is competitive often. Other people too want their share of success and achievement. Then there are the wannabees who seek fame, adoration and recognition for what they do. In others words maybe they really seek more love and validation for who they are. Sometimes I imagine myself as an actor but I think Im too quiet and shy for that. I prefer just being myself. After all is lived and said, one day I shall pass from this world, at least leaving some art, writings photos and memories. Does most of it really matter, apart from us enjoying the experience of living and the companionship of others?

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