I may not be gay but that doesnt mean I dont hide in the closet. I conceal my secret in a lonely dark place that has no windows and a door that is tightly closed and locked that only a few are allowed to see into. Like the fearful closeted homosexual I hide in a world that I fear will not understand me. A world full of people who are just like I once was …..HIV negative ….HIV apprehensive …HIV ignorant….HIV hateful. I remember the attitudes and feelings I once had towards people with HIV/aids, and the normal stereotypes associated with HIV. I see my former self reflected in so many faces and hear the me of days gone by echoed in so many of the offbeat comments made to me by those who are unaware of my HIV status. I live in constant fear that the wrong person finds out and I am outed like a dirty politician who has just been the focus of an expose on the 6 o'clock news. a fear that is less centered around how I might be affected but for the onesI love. How would the world treat my children? Would they suddenly be kept at arms length? Would other parents tell their kids not to play with my kids? Would they maybe not allow their children to attend my childrens birthday parties? I mentally trace all the possible routes that information of my status could possibly link back to my children and be spread from one person to another . So scared that I might rob my children of a sense of normalcy, I decide to remain in my secret hiding place . Afraid my children might be exposed to someone ignorant and hateful, someone apprehensive and petrified of HIV …………someone like the me that used to be.