hey everyone, hows things? hope u are all doing GREAT!

im ok myself,down to 3mls now, went to clinic on wed, met with counsellor for 30 min then had a meeting with myself the counsellor and the doc afterwards. He wants me to go into a residential treatment center after i finish my methadone (which will b this coming wednesday) its for 4 weeks, supposed to be a great place, the rutland center.

 It costs alot of money €11,500 for a 5 week stay i think was the price quoted on their website, but i would probably get funding from the health board for that seen as i am already on aa clinic.

I always said i would never go the residential route, i know it wouldnt suit me, i have massive problems with authorithy (well not so much anymmore but i think i would still find it very hard)i think and feel it would be very hard for me to cope with being away for so long-counsellor agrees with this but also thinks going is something i should do to get over these types of feelings and shut them out of my head. Also i have  my job, alot of people working there have left as they werer only doing summer work and are back to college now so they do need me, , plus i dont want to give it up. Jobs are  few an far  between in ireland at the moment so i dont want to stop working and go back on the scratcher,…. Also have my dog to think of, i cant just dump her on my mother for a month and i would mmiss her like Mad,SHE IS LIKE MY BABY!!!!….

aww i dont know what to do, i know what im saying sounds like excuses im making in my head so i dont have to go but i will do anything it takes to stay clean and i know the battle only starts when im off the methadone cos i wont have that to lean on anymore and i know i have hard times ahead of me. This center (if i get the funding) would probably be great for me but i have alot to  miss out on by going too because apart from the things i mentioned above i also have college.its starting at end of sept (if im accecepted, i have my interview next week) so i would miss the first few weeks of that, so in that case they probablt wouldnt want to accecpt someone who is going to mmiss the first month.,??…

Anyone have any suggestions, thoughs,comments or anything on this cos i just dont know where to go from here at all…..

Other than all of that im feeling ok, the 3mls is a load of shit and it doesnt do shit for me but i needd to detox like this so im pushing on through with it, Have a meetng with a regular doctor now so i netter get going soon, chat to u all later, and thanks for listening, as u alwasy do and i appriciate all the messahges i get and if i dont reply to comments its not cos i coiuldnt be bothred but iv been so busy latley that any time i come on its only for a few mins.
Thanks everyone xxx


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