ah, recovery! went camping for labor day weekend and managed to stay sober! i played my djembe around the bonfire and sang warren zevon songs with my dad and friends. it was simply wonderful.
i am sober today, thankfully not dry, at least i hope not. i think i go through dry spells occassionally, but this too shall pass…
i have been focusing more on getting my life together. i face up to responsibilities, to my defects of character, and when i'm wrong, oh hell yes i admit it! haha that's hard though, sometimes i wake up and just don't want to live a better life. weird as it sounds, i still feel like using. i remember those bad times though-which were most of the time afterward- and realize… no, i really don't want to go back to that. my life was pretty fucking unmanagable!
i've completely thrown myself into a program now, because i believe i was in a battle, and LOST. after picking myself back up, i dragged myself into the rooms of hope, and have been recovering ever since. i am happy today because i am starting to gain a new awareness in my difficulties and emotions. and acceptance. that's totally where it's at. oh sure, i still have rough times, and a hard time accepting anything for what it really is. i still let people get under my skin. but today i have a new approach to things that has made me well, a lot more comfortable. (suprisingly!)
i hope that today will be a good day, that i will make it to tomorrow without a drink or a drug, and that i will keep up a positive attitude/outlook on life, and be content with myself and my choices. i feel i've met some great people here who i can relate to! this may be a good site, after all! haha.
i've been riding my bike lately… sometimes it feels like i can't stop once i get going, which is great, and good therapy for my busted-up knee. i wish i had a real bike, like a harley, but i think that will come in time… once i get back to work and start bankin'…
i started to get back into playing drums, which, for any musicians out there, is an awesome way to pass time and to get better at your instrument. i'm sure even non-musicians know this. i'm rambling though.
i need to quit cigarettes. that's my next addiction i'm working on… for now, i feel it helps me to stay sober… at the same time though, it's pretty harsh on my body. i will give it up when i hit a bottom with it. i just am afraid because i don't want that bottom to be lung cancer or stroke. i'm working on it though, i have about 5 cigarettes a day, which, for me, is great cuz i was at 2 packs a day before… anyway, i've been trying to clean up my act to stay healthy and prepare for my next surgery.
i'm filled with fear, definitely a lot of self-centered fear… but i'm working on that too! so, wish me luck as i battle these conquests! and feedback would be much appreciated!
oh and, check out the new youtube vid in my profile! warren zevon, anyone?