What the hell? I just worked my ass off today and yesterday at the restaurant. Yes, I had to work on Christmas. It was SO FREAKIN BUSY yesterday. We had a line out the door all day from the time I got there at 3 until we closed at 10. Servers (us) did not get time to take a meal break or even a cigarette break ALL DAY. I was grouchy to say the least. And exhausted. So I get home at midnight last night and then have to work another shift today. WHICH WAS THE LONGEST SHIFT EVER.
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So after I work so late last night I don't get home until after midnight, then I get up this morning at 7 to start work at 9:00, our manager takes us in back to tell us how “the energy is down today and we will never get through the lunch rush unless we pick up our energy.” Oh, hello, THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE SCHEDULED EVERYBODY WHO WORKED YESTERDAY TO WORK TODAY. AND MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T FUCKING SCHEDULE PEOPLE TO WORK LATE THEN COME IN EARLY THE NEXT DAY. EXCUSE THE FUCKIN SHIT OUT OF ME IF I AM TIRED AS FUCK. FUCK YOU.
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I mean, honestly, what the fuck do they expect? Rrrrrr.
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So I started at 9 and they did not even cut me off the floor until SIX when the night crew came in. Then 2 hours of sidework. So I am exhausted. But this normally doean't DEPRESS me.
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You see, what is weird is, on Saturday the day after I finished my finals for school, I had to work and it wasn't a bad day, in fact I had a good day. I came home, curled up and ate some greasy food and watched the original star trek. I was stoked to see it on. But I had this general sense of well being, and the fact my ex-bf and I broke up a few weeks ago wasn't really bothering me all that much. I was appreciating my “alone time” and felt generally really good.
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Well, I should be stoked right now, since I don't have to work again until Saturday. I should have that same “Sense of well being” because I have NOTHING I have to do for the next 3 days. No homework, no stupid job, nothing. Yet I feel like total and utter CRAP right now.
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I am wondering if it is the fact that I had to comsume WAY too much caffiene today in order to keep going and now I am just thinking too much. I dunno, I just don't know where the sense of relief and looking forward to my time off went to. Maybe I am just hungry. Maybe I just had a REALLY shitty day. It was shitty. I didn't make NEARLY enough tips considering how hard I worked, and sometimes I wonder if all my coworkers hate me. Which is terribly self centered and vain I realize but I don't want to be an annoying person and I sometimes think that I am. I dunno. The caffiene is making me think too much. I really should eat something. The last thing I ate was some onion rings at work around 6 when my shift was done. And the only other thing I ate was half an omelette this morning around 11:00.
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Ok, this must be getting boring now. But I just had this “ugh.” feeling and I thought maybe writing it out somewhere would help.
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And maybe it is a recovery related thing. What is it? HALT… never get Hungry Angry Lonely Tired? Heheh. I just realized I am ALL those things right now. Hungry since I haven't eaten in awhile. Angry because of the pissy day I had at work. Lonely.. well actually not so much thank god. I am actually glad I am not around anybody right now. But I am, REALLY tired. So 3 out of 4. Perhaps some food and rest is in order.
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I hope I don't sound as whiney as I suspect I do.
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Just a shitty couple of days I guess. I bet after I eat I will come back and delete all this.