Lately I’ve been feeling pretty hopeless.  Especially since going to the therapist.  I just don’t see anything to look forward to.  I’m in college right now but can’t think of what job I’d get or even if I’d want a job.  All I seem to see is misery and work.  I’m starting to see death in a more positive way.  I wish I could get some kind of sign as to what I should do.  I’ve lost all my friends, I’m too old to depend on my family as much as I have in the past, my therapist thinks I should check myself into the psych ward and I can’t think of what to look forward to. I’m stuck in the middle because I haven’t attempted suicide so I can’t go to a mental institution and I’ve yet to harm another person so I can’t go to jail. I’ve found the reason for everything. The reason people do drugs, the reason people beat and kill each other, the reason people smoke cigarettes, the reason people hate and discriminate. It’s life. That’s the only reason. Life. You live, you work, you die. That’s it. It’s so meaningless. It’s not worth it. Why should or how could anyone go through this misery? Why would god or whoever the creator is put these beings called humans on earth only to be tortured and maimed until their death? Yes its overdramatic, but is it really? Why are you alive? Why do you keep on living? Is it your kids? The ungrateful offspring that will eventually desert you and take all your money. Or is it that all powerful all meaningful thing, money? Is that it? I don’t understand. I keep on wondering, how does that person get through the day? How do people continue to live if they know that all they have to look forward to are obstacles and misery. Even in the supposed greatest country in the world everyone is miserable. Or is it just me? Why live? Why? I wish someone would come down and give me that extra energy, that extra hope for the future. But all I can think of are all the people that have deserted and ridiculed me, all the people that I’ve avoided and been rude to, all the people that are rich and successful yet still unhappy. Why live? Why live? Why live? I went home this weekend thinking I’d be happy to get back to my family. To be happy and content for the weekend, but all I saw was misery.

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