I wrote a blog, a bit crude, a bit raw and a bit drunken a couple of hours ago. It dealt with the song on my page (Sting – fields of gold). I wrote it honestly though and it dealt with the line 'feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth…"
That line speaks to me because it connects me to something beyond my mind. It talks about a raw, near animal passion, that I have felt and that I miss these days. It speaks of a romantic passion and love and sensuality that I generally put aside for my more cerebral side. I've been without that type of contact for years and I mentioned that quite frankly I am 'horny' but that I have that side in check quite well…( too well in fact.. i.e. I need to get out more often and try living).
Just for the record, I never ever harmed anyone physically in my life. I've been verbally and emotionally abusive to my ex during a year or two or the ending of our marriage and it's something that I regret and have apologized to her for. It was a two way street and I've vowed to stay away from that type of dynamic.
Anyhow, the reason I destroyed the blog was that an online friend that once defriended me then refriended me has now defriended me again right after that blog was posted. My initial reaction was OMG that blog was obviously really vile and offensive, so I erased it… as is my nature, I blamed myself for the way I wrote it rather than consider that maybe the person that again became my friend has her own problems and maybe we are just not a good match as friends. Maybe my pain or poor wording was not the only problem here.
Anyhow, wherever the truth may lie, I have to say screw it, I'm human. If I upset someone, my apologies, but I won't be erasing any more comments or blogs. That blog was me trying to tell my truth and not intended to upset anyone.
To my former online friend, I wish you all the best.
To my other friends, hope you stick around, but if not, my best to you. I would really appreciate it if you would tell me why first though, but that's ultimately your choice.