I spent my day being humbled and disappointed. I went to places to get food and whatever else I could get help with, its a miserable feeling sitting there on the poverty side of the window.I ended up with 2 small bags of food which I'm grateful for, but I'm left with this feeling of anger, sadness, and in general loss of faith in what I persieve my life to be.

My body is breaking down…. I just started my medication tonight for my TMJ which my mom had to pay for ….we are behind on the bills again, she's 71 and stressed out so badly her sugar went up really high….I can't help.

I hear people say no one cares…try being poverty stricken, talk about no one caring. Your suppose to drive all over creation to get help, then you get there and wait for hours only to be turned away for one reason or another. I catch myself being very afraid of my life, my age, and the fact that no one cares if I'm clean, safe, well,have electricity,my teeth fall out, I can't see, I have clean clothes or socks to wear, medical attention, food, a dollar to my name……I need to believe again….I need to have my needs meet….I need the American Dream……

I went into Walmart to get my prescription filled with a horrible feeling in the pit of my being…..they said it would take 30 minutes, meanwhile my ride is waiting for me, I proceed to look around and it begins….I'm looking at things I haven't had in 2 years, I felt tears welling up , I stuffed them down, I felt strange urges of I'm just going to get this, no I can't there's no money, then all of a sudden I hit the floor, a man grabbed me and I was so overwhelmed with a sense of longing, panic, despair….I quickly collected myself and thanked the man for his assistance, all along he looked at me very strangely to say the least. I really don't know how much longer I can go on living with no electricity in my part of the house,needing medical attention, an oral surgeon to be exact, no vechicle, no way out to do anything….no income….there's no end to this madness, no one to pick me up, to help me finacialy or other wise. If I'm required to have surgery, how will I pay, if I have surgery who will be here to help take care of me….crying….thinking of allI did for others and now I need someone and no one's here… nor do they care.

I have reapplied for medicare its in the mailbox, hopefully third time will be a charm……I would rather be gone than to continue living in poverty….In my own tears……

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