I used to work at a behavioral health center. I don't know how many on this site have actually been to any place like that. I hated working there — there were so many people whose family members had called them in because they were suidical. They were locked on a three day hold, unable to leave the facility and only able to do things, like go outside, at designated times. I don't understand how locking suicidal people up is going to help them. All the doctors did was throw medication around and watch the results. I felt terrible for the patients.
Now that my depression has become noticeable to my family, a few of them want to send me to that behavioral health center. First off, I know the employees. All of them. That alone is reason not to go.
But I need my space. I don't like being confined, in any way — even relationships with other people. If I feel caged, I'll leave. But at that facility, you can't leave. Everything is locked up tight. You have to share a room with someone, whose problems can be similar or completely different from yours — you end up living with a total stranger, sharing a bathroom even, and you are not allowed to have any personal belongings (not even your clothes — they take those). You're not even allowed to wear shoes.
Like I said, I hated working there. I believe it is a terrible environment for people who need help. And, as an employee, I got to see a side of the nurses and techs that the patients don't see. I know the gossip, the rude comments and put-downs, that most of the techs and nurses say when patients aren't looking. I know every employee isn't like that, and every facility isn't like this, but this facility is the one I will be sent to if my parents decide that I "need" the help of a professional.
My mom's threatened to send me there a few times now. She says I'm just being dramatic. I told her to call them and put herself up for a three day hold, and then she'll see what it's like for the patients in there.
And the food is terrible. I wouldn't eat it if my life depended on it.
I'm scared of being sent away to some behavioral health center. I'm scared of being labeled and then having medication just thrown at me so I can get better and leave. The facility does not work — there are too many repeat patients and patients who end up going to other centers. There's no help there for anyone.
I can't talk to my family. I told them, unless they can guarantee that I won't be sent there, then I won't talk. I'm aware that I am manipulating them — I just want them to leave me alone. They don't understand and all they do is make things worse.
Talking to people on here, who have similar feelings as I do, is helping. It's good to know that there are people out there who I can talk to without feeling misunderstood or judged.
So thank you, everyone who has been messaging me, for just talking to me.