I have no friends.  It may sound untrue, but I'm not lying.  There are two people that I talk to on occasion.  They are both too busy with school and work to be able to see me.  No one calls me and I'm afraid to talk on the phone so it's not like I call them.  You would think school would bring you friends but I dropped out again.  I had a whole mental breakdown this past Monday and dropped out.  So now I'm back to square one.  What am I going to do with my life?  Do I try school again or do I just get a job?  That sort of thing.

I had an emergency appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday morning.  I was feeling extremely suicidal and just waiting for the right opportunity to hurt myself.  I had started cutting again which I haven't done in over a year.  My mom drove me to the appointment because she didn't want me behind the wheel of a car.  I had driven my car off the road in an attempt to end my life before and all that happened was that I totaled the car and not myself.  So I went in and he is going to have my parents watch me around the clock and if I get worse I will go to the hospital next week.  Great.  Just what I need.  A trip back to the worst place on earth. 

At least I would make friends there.  Not like out here in the real world where the socially anxious can't strike up a conversation correctly.  I don't know how to make friends and it's driving me crazy.  Between that and school, I feel more helpless than ever.