I'm sort of panicking at the moment. Tomorrow, my Mom and brother are going to take one of our dogs to the vet. If he says that she's in a lot of pain, they're going to put her to sleep. If not, they're going to bring her back and my Dad is going to continue trying to take care of her.

I feel guilty because she started out as my dog. I named her Kimberly after the Pink Power Ranger. She was born to my older half brother's dog when I was 8 and I begged to keep her. For some reason, my parents allowed me to.

The problem is that I was 8 and she is a Beagle. Beagles aren't generally meant to be cuddled and slept with. They are outside dogs and mine ran with its mother for years up in the woods behind our house hunting. She did everything with her mother, absolutely everything. She even let her mother eat first before she'd eat anything herself. They were very close.

Then her mother died.

It was really sad, not only because she'd passed away but also because now her daughter was left alone. That was her companion in life, that was all she had and knew. She spent her days after that just wandering around. Not even the deer feared her. They come down to our backyard to eat and she'd walk right past them, tired, uninterested…and they'd just ignore her. She just emanated sadness and it hurt.

She has always been a dirty dog because you can't bathe them every day like a human. So she didn't get as much love as our indoor dogs did and I feel bad about that.

I know that she was fed and watered and had shelter (our basement, she slept on an old cushy chair) but I feel guilty. I feel like a horrible person. This poor dog spent the last years of her life with no companion and it's my fault. 🙁

Why do I feel so bad? I'm gonna end up crying until I fall asleep. ;_;

I hope they bring her back. ;_;