So someone from the suicide hotline recommended me to this place so I’m going to try it out. So today was a bad day I was feeling pretty suicidal today. I’m not even sure if suicidal is the right word because I don’t want to kill myself but I don’t want to live either. I don’t want to exist anymore or be alive. I’m so alone I don’t have anyone. I don’t have friends to ask to hangout with me or check on how I’m doing. I’m just so alone in a bedroom with no one to check up on me or wants to spend time with me. I’ve been so sheltered in life that I’m so lost. I can’t drive I can’t work I didn’t even go to high school. The friends I did have I lose because I can be so needy and sometimes a jerk when I’m have a bad day with mental health. I just don’t know what to do anymore. My mom just mocked me when I told her I felt suicidal or feeling like I want to die. I don’t have real support system. I’m scared of going to a mental health hospital. And I’m not sure if I really need it because I’m not trying to harm myself or anything I just don’t want to live. Like I won’t care if I get in a car crash or get cancer. I feel so trapped because my mom is over my disability check and everytime I talk about moving she talks about how she’ll be homeless if I did that. I just hate this life and I don’t see how it will get any better