ok so its just another day! but to me friday is the worse day of the week – Mike goes to college today  and i have to cope alone with the kids been doing it for months but still can't cope, i have a routine that means i get everything ready for the kids the night before – this i do everyday anyway, but fridays i have to get them up and ready for school, make sure the big 2 leave to get the bus ontime and leave the house to take  2 to school and 1 to pre-school  why can't i get used to this routine – i have to do it i have no choice – but no i'm full of fear and dread, i feel sick and hot and faint, lucky that today the kids are still on halfterm holiday so i've just bribed them to stay in bed longer then go down stairs to their Aunties room as they are home today, i know they don't mind the kids going into them, its something they do at the weekend but to me i've done it again – got someone else to take the kids so i don't have to cope with them, feel like a failure of a mum, why can't i cope? their my kids i chose to have them, i'm just letting them down not spending time with them, my mum never spent time with me when i was a kid so i promised i'd spend every spare minute with my kids, so why am i just sat in bed again, watching childrens tv with my youngest son wishing the day away?  i will probably stay in bed all day now, the kids will get on with their day and their aunties will look after them, we have snow so i should be up, checking our rabbits and guinea pigs and playing in the snow like i used to do, but not now.

My goal for next week is to get out of bed everyday at the same time as the kids, get them ready for school – maybe not take them everyday but some days – i have to get over this, i need to leave the house more often and i need to learn to cope with kids on my own – bad friday needs to turn into good friday – its the only day i get the house all to myself for a few hours and i need to learn thats a good thing,not a bad thing!

well thats my rant out of the way.