Ok, I've been told blogging will be good for me to get thins out of my head and on here so here goes.  I'm sitting here right now with my 3yr old grandson playing and my month old grandson sleeping and I'm wondering what do I do with me?  I'm so very tired from having to get up early and staying up late I need a nap!  I've been thinking lately about trying to get my poem book published and working on the other two books to see what could happen with those.  I have a rough draft of a third book but I don't have time for myself and by the time everyone is asleep I don't feel like fooling with it because I know once I get started I won't be able to stop and then being tired just won't  work anymore, I won't be able to work or anything else for that matter.  I need to have a day or two to myself to do what I want to do.

My oldest daughter takes advantage of me she works 2nd shift and I've got her son the 3 yr old we all live together and she will go to work, come home or goes out with her friends till all hours of the morning and does whatever she wants and then sleeps until it's time to work the next day.  I ask her to get up, she doesn't, I ask her if she plans on playing with her son before she has to  work and she doesn't answer me and doesn't get up or she'll get up and  have 30 minutes or so to make quality time and there is none.  I feed him, play with him, bathe him, put him to bed and sit with him…I do everything a mother is supposed to do, she on the other hand does everything a grandma is supposed too.  My youngest daughter knows what goes on and she's promised me that she'll never do my like her sister……don't get me wrong I love being with my grandkids but I'm older  now and don't have the energy and plus I have all these things wrong with me like the degenerative disk disease in my neck and spine, bending over to change the baby's diaper or get him dressed and then trying to stand back up is so hard, carrying him around is horrible and then there's the tendinitis in my achilles tendon  on my heel that keeps  me from walking normal and then on the other leg my knee had a tendon out of whack too so here I am not walking normal and walking like an old woman all bent over till by the time my daughter comes to pick up the baby I can't help be releaved.  Right now he's no trouble eats, poops and sleeps but how I am going to do this when he's older, crawling then walking?  oh well that's my life right now where am I in all this?  If I could just have 3-4 hours after dinner to relax and do what I want and then go to bed I'd love that…I have a little time after my grandson goes to be and I'm in  here in t he chat room so I can listen to everyone else and know if I told them about this they would understand and support me.  They take my mind off my problems and give me some adult conversation and I love that so by the time I'm ready to leave I'm feeling better and sometimes even smiling.  I'm leaving the middle of march to go to san diego for 3 1/2 weeks and to be honest it will be the best vacation I could ask for I won't have to do ANYTHING!!!  only what I want and then I'm driving back home so I can stop along t he way and see a friend, see family I haven't seen in 4yrs since I moved from there.  I haven't seen my family out there in SD in 4 yrs so it will be such a nice time away from home except for one t hing…..who's gonna watch the babies, are they gonna know how to put the one to bed at night and know to sit with him till he falls asleep, are they gonna know what he likes to do, what he likes to watch on tv, will they be amazed how he can navigate himself around this computer!  I'm not kidding I put him on youtube and type in lego whatever and he knows to pick out another when it's done, he knows how to pause it and play again he knows how to make it full screen and when nothing comes  up he know how to refresh the page and all this I only did once not explaining it to him but with him just watching me he learned…I'm amazed…knows when I get mail and will tell me and bring it down so I can read it……right now I'm everything to these two precious boys and I need them just as much I just wish I  had more time and energy and the depression keeps me from smiling much I'm just always doing something so no smiles are needed but I do get some from these boys.  well I need to go now and play with the older one before the little one wakes up….

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