feeling really angry right now! fallen out with my grandad again 🙁

right ill back up and start where this has come from! well at work my dad has heard that there is an office job going but it hasnt got out to being advertised so hes surggested that i go and see my boss and enquire about it as i do want to move up in my job cus essentially at the mometn packing boxes for a living and yeah it sucks! so anyways ive been down the otehr unit for the last few weeks and the days ive been down the normal unit he hasnt been in so hence forth havnt been able to speak to him!

so yeah got my dad asking why i havnt , and my step mother and now my grandparents! i know where there coming from but to me its pressure and i cant deal with that! and the more time thats gone on with not being able to speak to my boss the more time ive had to think on it, i feel like hes going to say no straight away because im not smart enough then im guna feel like a failure etc… i cant deal with that , at least if i dont ask i cant get shot down you know! it is a rahter long shot me asking because the job does require someone with experince etc and i dont have that!

but i know if i dont ask im just guna get well you just dont try do you! i wish i could explain what fears i have with the family and wished they understood but they just tell me to stop being stupid if i did 🙁 cant win i just wana run away and shut them all out at the moment . relaly starting to not dislike them but just starting to resent them which is something i dont want to do 🙁 sorry so upset right now 🙁 got so much to keep in and i just cant keep it all in any more heading for a breakdown i swear 🙁