It’s 1 of thoz dayz where u just don’t understand what’s happening to u. Like why do I have 2 suffer with this pit of unhappiness? I have a gorgeous and loving husband; I have a 12 year old that trusts and loves me; but I can’t seem to accept ME. I’m having such stress and madness at a job that I HATE with a passion. It’s the mean-spirited dumbasses that are trying to get me fired! I am really out of it today; I was actually thinking of the "S" word we all know so well….because life is just too hard to handle for me sometimes.  I am extremely overwhelmed.  Sometimes I get real cynical with doctors because everything is about $$.  So does anyone really care? Hell2daNo!  I have a family that depends on me; I’m almost finished school; I went to CHINA for goodness sakes; a place that I dreamed of going since I was a kid. But this continuous, ongoing "chronic" condition just eats away at me and I can’t win.  I still think I’m a loser; I still think that I’m ugly; I still think I’m not worth anyone’s time; I still think that I will fail miserably and be disappointed OVER AND OVER AND OVER; I feel like I put my loved ones in pain over my "condition" but my husband is the most loving, patient and giving man I have ever met (thank you JESUS!) — so I tend to think I’m not worth his time or energy. It’s like I exist in this world, but then I don’t.  I don’t know everything! I can’t handle every problem I face; I don’t have the answers to raising a kid; I don’t know where my life is going.  I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything.  I’m still lowly and poor in spirit… I just don’t know…..sometimes you scream for HELP but now one hears you but those damned voices in your head to "just do it" (and that’s not Nikes talking).


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