24 hours…thats it…thats what you get…take it or leave it…you dont really have a choice…its YOURS USE IT in the BEst WAY YOU KNOW HOW!!!! But please dont waste it…Life is way to short and I know I drank alot of my 24 hours away…

In the last 48 hours…I had a real estate auction…no no I did not make any money…I just seem to feel the need to let people occupy valuable space between my ears…its a shame actually, I will wake in the morning and though I have my regualr prayer routine etc..the first thought after that is not for me…matter a fact neither is the second or third…by the time I walk to the bathroom I am surprised someone else isnt holding it for me while I stand and pee.  I get some help into the shower from a bunch of loud ass fuckers who still have a few comments and jabs to throw in there..(its ok thick skin ya know)  Oh damn…let me grab the towel…and get dressed, my frigin stomach, thanks for that gut wrenching reminder that I am still and always will be an ALCOHOLIC/ADDICT….Do I want to go downstairs and try to choke down some food or just forget it…I was a chef once…but hell you did that when you were a drunk…you prob cant even boil water…just go sit down…matter a fact Go the fuck back to bed….

There ya have it…and last week I did just that went back to bed…stayed there…WALLOWED I think…maybe not, maybe I was tired…maybe I can bullshit myself…LOL

The point is WHAT A WASTE OF TIME…Negative thoughts blow…they can immobilize us.  And that is a terrible thing…more so if we BUY into IT…Even if everything that goes on in my head was to happen…It still wouldnt change anything…I am here and have to live my life for me…and I need to LIVE…not HIDE…

I stumbled across a few things today, weel over the past few days, weekend etc…Life is Good…at the same time Unpredictable and UNCONTROLABLE…Those are all ok things…really they are…Freedom is BEAUTIFUL….that is a part of it…Freedom from the bondage of and Alcoholic OBSESSION….I will just say FROM OBSESSION….HOW fucking Powerful is that…

I let myself feel some things…let a little lady entertain my emotions…left myself WIDE open…I imagine in some sick way this is a lesson on Manipulation…I did that for many a year…even when not using…In turn…My vulnerability seems to attract things that are not good for me…show me that affection and I will be your everything….

 

Did I mention I hate this DISEASE….

 

I try to squash it, put it in perspective, sleep on it…HA sleep…that is a funny one too…If you are not in BED…(YOUR BED) when you want to SLEEP, well then you prob WONT FUCKING SLEEP.  So dont blame BULLSHIT stuff like meds and your dreams…hardly and issue…Be HONEST at least….

 

Life is Good, I can say that…and mean it.  I CAN NOT DO THIS ALONE..So get up and go LOOK IN THE MIRROR…I NEED YOUR HELP…Yup you…Uh HUH YOU….is it that hard to imagine that I need all of you to keep little old me sober…Well its the truth…

I may HATE THIS DISEASE….BUT I LOVE LIVING!

WALK with me…

I dont bite,I am no different from you..

I will never forget what I was and where I came from..

Ask me I will tell you…

Thank you Tribe..I love you all…Mike…

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