I am not OCD, but I believe a friend of mine is.
He started calling me and complaining about washing his hands 60 times a day, concerned about dirt, concerned about going to the rest room (they are so dirty) concerned about when he going shopping the bagger to open a plastic bad will lick their licks; concerned when he buys lunch that a piece of lettuce is part outside the container and he throws it all away.
He says he has trouble focusing at work. He works for government as fears that if he does not get help he will lose his job, but if he gets help he will lose his job over getting help.
At first I got frustrated with all the complaining and nagging. Then I realized he could be thinking of suicide. I talk to him now 3-4 times a day or more just to calm him down. He will ask me many questions as he does not trust himself.
His family is not helping him so I need to. I have reserved some help books on OCD as to what to say to people with OCD but in the interim want to know what to say and how to respond.
Since I started talking to him every day he has calmed down. I will get panic calls in the afternoon when he was tuck in the mens room for long periods washing his hands. He seems to accept when I tell him something is OK. He then tells me he will ignore his concerns and do as I suggested.
We are old friends (30 years) and he never had this problem. Part of the issues may or may not be, that he is:
– heavily in debt, but working to pay it off,
– he is alone in the coty he is living in,
– This recently came out and it is the holidays and he is again alone.
I finally talked him into cleaning his kitchen so he could eat in,
He would say that he kept forgetting when he would do a clothes wash if he pu tin laundry detergent and then keep rewashing the same clothes. He has stopped this (I think).
Over the past week, he seems a little calmer but I am very concerned about him.
Also, he said he never gave these things a thought until he supervisor at work started complaining about all the dirt and all the things he now is concerned about.
Any advise and or suggestions would be appreciated.
Thank you both.
I told him to call me 24/7 if he needs to. He seems fine and then locks up.
As for referring him here, I have Suggested that he come here or go to an OCD help group, but he is concerned/afraid that his job will find out and he will loose the job. He has to go through some sort of review in about a year and it is getting him very concerned.
I was curious. He did not have OCD when he was younger. It only seemed to manifest itself over the last year or two when he was exposed to his supervisor who seems to be OCD as he was always complaining of dirty bathrooms, etc.
My friend never was like this until he became depressed, went into debt and has no life other then work due to his finanical problems.
I have suggested that he likes t play guitar and to get into a group and he seems to be thinking about it. He is in to softball and plays in a league.
From the little I described, could this be short term as again he never had this before. I suggested he try to move his job to where he has family.
He was living in an efficiency apartment with only a bedroom set, a chair and a folding table. I brought him a counch and desk and bookcases so he will go home to more then an empty place.
Today he cleaned up his kitchen so he can cook at home and take lunch. He is in DC and I am in Arizona so my help is long distance and on the phone.
He was very depressed up until about a week ago, and lately he seems to be improving. He still has issues and called me about the soap left on dishes form the dish washer, he has a migrame headache this AM and went home sick. He called me as he was going home and said that after leaving work he started to feel better.
He is behind at work and if he does not catch up by the end of the year he coudl be in trouble. He is talking about doing whatever he has to do to catch up so there seems to be positive signs.
For me being so far away give me a helpless feeling when he is sinking. He is fighting this the best he can by asking me if his concerns are real and when I say "the things he mentions would not bother me?, he responds that he will ty to ignore them. Most he seems to ignore as he does come back to me when he has trouble ignoring them.
I cannot imagine what people with OCD must go through and all the fear OCD people must live with.
I wish I could do more.
When I am on the phone with him, sometimes there is silence and when I say I will speak to him later, he asks that I stay on the phone. It feels like a lifeline. I told him next spring we will go on a trip someone and hang out. He talks of getting out of debt and getting his life back together so there are positives.
This is all so very new to me and something I had never heard of. Thank G-d with help he can get this under control.
Oh, I spoke to him of seeing a physician and possibly getting meds but he is afraid to as he feels it will cost him his job. I guess one step at a time
shygirl thanks:
another friend is getting a little involved (which is good) who has a back ground in psychology. And that will help also.
I can’t force him to do anything so I think baby steps (I hated that movie) is the way to go. I spend a good 2-3 hours a day (on a good day) or more on a bad day, but if we cannot help our friend and family then what is our purpose here on earth?
What I am learning is the OCD people live with a lot of fear and that to the OCD person, the fear is real.
He refuses right now to go to a physician. Right now I am calming him down so he can do his job and will not loose it (I hope). I will also speak to him about listening to his favorate music when he is home and going to/from work for the distraction.
He is now talking of focusing on work and gettng it done so I will try to help him get through that.
After his job is secure, I found a few OCD support groups in his community and will try talking to him about attending. I will also point out to him that his supervisor seems to have OCD and he is still working and there. Hopefully over time, he will go to a support group and then the physician. From my reading the right medications could really help him.
Also the support group will show him he is not alone. He is also talking about eventually moving back home to where his family is and I am guessing that would be a big plus – if they are willing to help him which so far they are not.
Any other thoughts would be appreciated… I got the music idea from someones post so this site is already helping me. I also want to try and get him to join this site when he is ready. But he has so many fears, I do not want to push too hard.
A QUESTION: Is it common for a person to develop OCD at mid life or later life? With mid or later life is it any easier to cure???