Hi everyone!!

Do you know how many times I have been going to write a blog?  The number is so big it doesn’t even exist.  My last blog was in October of 2008.  Three months ago!  I sit at the computer constantly and open up OCDTribe and even the blog page and then it just sits there until I’m finished at the computer and I close it down.  I think of things to type while I’m at the computer, but they never seem to get onto the screen.  Funny isn’t it?!?!

I’ve started a summer job.  Well, it will carry on through the year, but I started yesterday.  I’m a Daycare care person and I work with myself!!  I had so much fun and was on the go so much that I had 11 hours sleep last night!!  I need to get my butt into gear though because I’m also studying over summer and I need to get my dancing letters out for 2009 classes. 

THINGS ARE GOING SO FAST!!

OCD wise…I haven’t given it much thought.  I plod along everyday and just live.  I’m walking every morning and I can not tell you how much it has changed me.  I mean I’m one of those people that wake up in the morning and start bargining with myself…’I can’t be bothered going walking today so I’ll do double tomorrow’…the next day ‘I don’t wanna go walking..I’ll do triple tomorrow’…the next day ‘look I’m no good at this so I’ll just blame it on genes and eat whatever I want and sit on my fat ass’….see a pattern?  I have been very good though.  I can see the good it is doing me and now I wake up thinking ‘I can’t be bothered, but remember that great feeling you got yesterday after your walk?…I’m up!!’ 

So, I’m not looking down my dark hole that I always seem to.  I’m feeling great!!  I’m ready to start looking for that relationship I really want and I feel like I’m slightly in control!!

Well everyone, I was just looking through my ‘OCD file’ on my computer at all the dark ‘I’m never going to live through this’ poems and here is one, although I don’t feel like this anymore…or now!! Enjoy…

 

I’ve stood tall while they fought around me,
I’ve lived and struggled through OCD.
 
I’ve learnt so many things I never knew,
That I don’t just have OCD, but depression too.
 
When the world around turns to black from blue,
Everything changes and I no longer know what I knew.
 
I’ve forgotten that the young should be living,
Rather than lived, but still giving.
 
I’ve forgotten that everything around me is what I let it be,
That all the people that want to help, will help me find me.
 
I have taken the steps I need to take to be in the places I should,
But, not having a family that recognizes mental illness is not what it could.
 
I feel like I will keep drowning as the water flows past me,
That I will never see light again, until the angels see.
 
Although my friends are few, that want to pick me up from down,
My family with their strong morals would just only frown.
 
I wish I could just sit in a room, with nothing around me,
So I could just try and work this all out, so I am right for the world to see.
 
I want to stop these negative thoughts of “smiling in front of the pain”,
That I should not be around for people to see this person in vain.
 
I know with encouragement from my counselor that I WILL get through this,
My GP will help me work this out, but the journey is no bliss.
 
I want to imagine the team behind me, the doctors and my friends,
With my family on the other side, so they can see my sympathy I send.
 
It’s hard when you don’t get the support from the people you love the most,
I’ll be sad for a while, but in the end I hope to be the one to boast.
 
Don’t read this and be sad,
Don’t read and think I’m crying mad,
I’m just going through another one of my stupid little fads.
 
I want to thank-you for reading this, if you got down here,
Please leave a message, ‘cause for everyone I loose a little fear.
 

SMILE…Tomorrow is a new day!!  Hales

1 Comment
  1. jlion 13 years ago

    love love love the poem. Congrats!

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