Ppl r ppl and they like to diaapoint. In my last blog I talked about a friend i had grown very close to. Well we became really close. He is married as am I but we r both neglected lonely ppl. We almost had an affair but today he began to rationalize and didn't feel like he could go through with anything. All this after treating me like a princess. I had not felt this happy in a long time. I knew there was no future in this relationship because after all I would never leave my husband and he would never leave his wife. We talked/text each other everyday sharing this about each other and grew very close. Last week we actually met up for a few minutes and kissed. We planned on meeting this week again and see where it would go. But today he decided to get a contious after all the things he told me and I specifically told him I don't take rejection well. IT was the first thing he did. He said he didn't think it would be fair to our spouses. I totally agree and when we were going to meet this week I wanted to go over those very facts and maek sure we were comfortable going there. But he beat me to the punch. I don't if that's what bothers me more that anything or what. Would I have gone through with it. Possibly. I wasn't going to jump into bed with him even though we had been having racy conversations. I still didn't feel right juming into bed until we met up a few times to see if we messed I guess. So now I feel like a fool and am truely hurt. HE is a sweet guy and want to remain friends and continue to talk but I don't fell comfortable. IDK It just hurts alot. THe thing that hurts more than anything is that my husband doesn't realize how much I needed and need him and still is not there for me the way I need him to be. Even though I have been very open about my feelings. He knows I am emotional and need alot of attention. Not all the time but I do. Like that song from the Smith's HOw Soon is Now says "I am human and need to be loved, just like everyone else does….." I guess we'll see what happens tomorrow. He says he will talk to me tomorrow and I told him "I'll see how I'm feeling" and we will. I just feel like just a scumbag for almost cheating on my husband and for wanting to live out this fantasy with this man. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Stuff like this always happens to me. Ppl always disappoint and let me down. This is why I live my life as a hermit of sorts. I just can't take ppl's rejection and drama. As always I will move on and try and get over it. I need to cry it out because if I hold it in it will come out like a bomb later on then that's when I fall into the dark abyss of sadness that follows me from time to time. But anyhow….. lesson learned. I need to stop relying on ppl to make me happy and just get my mind right and try to become a stronger person. We'll see……..


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