I'm in this relationship with this guy for about 3 and a half months. We have told each other we love each other, and I have never felt this way about a guy before. I have been in many long-term relationships, and he makes me feel like no other guy has. The thing is… its hard to show my depression around him. In my other relationships I have had trouble doing the same, but with them, they were very mentally exhausting and I had to hide my depressive feelings for fear of being yelled at and felt bad. And now the same is happening with this guy… I have told him of my past relationships and he told me from the beginning that he would never make me feel that way and will take care of me. He told me I can act just the way I am in front of him, and he will always be there for me when I am depressed or suicidal.
But… he just gets frustrated when I get depressed or when I cry. He tells me it is exhausting and doesn't know what to do, and that this is hard on him. I feel bad… it makes me want to hide my emotions from him, and I feel like I can't cry in front of him anymore. Things are rough between us now. But now I feel horrible that I have depression. I feel like it is my fault, and I shouldn't be this way. I blame myself for having it, and I just feel like I am no good. I feel hopeless, especially when he tells me that this is tiring and he doesn't know what to do anymore.
I feel so lost… I don't have many people to talk to, and I never really tell anyone when I am feeling suicidal. And now I feel like I have lost him as a person to go to as well. I'm not sure what to do.