Hi,

I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out exactly what’s been plaguing me.
Essentially, I have suffered from depression my whole life. Was told I have ADHD as a child. I am not currently being treated for either. I cant stand medications, nor can I afford them.
2 years ago, I ran away from my life, escaping a shitty relationship and trying to start fresh in a new city. I have managed to get myself back onto my feet (shakily at best) and am barely keeping myself above water financially.
I’ve narrowed my main concerns to social anxiety, depression, mixed with panic attacks and severe overthinking.
I’m sure there are other disorders hiding in there that I can’t even begin to understand.CBT keeps coming up as potential avenues for aid.
I finally was able to find a family doctor who I will be seeing for the first time this month, and since Covid, the only things I’ve really been able to see doctors for are more ‘pertinent health issues’.
I have only one person here that I am comfortable enough sharing anything with, and she has been distracted with her own very real issues with trauma. She doesn’t understand my coping skills (or lack thereof).
I have pushed everyone in my life away (family and friends), and have ruined every relationship I have attempted since moving here.
Now my job is affected by anxiety, and financial problems have always been a fierce trigger for me.
I feel like I just want to take my daughter and find a place far away from everyone and hermit.
My daughter is 14, and has been watching me deteriorate, and I fear she is learning behaviours that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone.
I’m struggling to put on the happy face. I’m struggling to put on the stable front. My walls are cracking and crumbling and I feel utterly alone.
I cannot pretend to be okay anymore.

I know I am not alone in this, and my hope is to find a group of people who can understand where I am coming from and maybe offer up some pieces of themselves and their struggles, and how they may or may not have overcome them.

Thank you for reading this far.

Rant over,

S

5 Comments
  1. anordo 4 months ago

    Hi. Enjoyed reading your blog ( you know what I mean I hope!)I’d like to say I know what you mean but I suppose it’s different for everyone. However…doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate or empathise with what you wrote. Please keep your chin up, I’ve just joined this forum site today so not really sure yet what sort of support people give to one another. Take care, thinking of you.

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      theonenonlysilver 4 months ago

      I appreciate the reach out
      I’m not sure what to expect either, in terms of what support to give and get. Sometimes it’s just nice knowing we have been heard.
      I love the idea of having a platform to share like this. This is my first attempt at a support group of any type!
      Good luck in your journey ❤️

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  2. nikravi 4 months ago

    Hi I am also new here and loved you opening up completely. Takes so much courage to realize you are not doing well and try to seek guidance for that. I got to that stage as well in my life when I finally decided to see a therapist less than two years ago.

    I don’t know what is the best solution so I suggest seeking a therapist or use crisis text line of you want that but from my point of view, you could really benefit from an in-person support group like AA (Alcoholics Anonymous). I would myself love to join something like that. If that does not exist, I would like to work out a way to get that started in Everyone’s areas.

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      theonenonlysilver 4 months ago

      Thank you for reading and taking the time to reply!
      Great suggestions 🙂
      Getting a therapist is number one on my list of things to do. I’m interested to see what resources I can muster up in my area!

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  3. rajnish 4 months ago

    All I want to say is that hang in there. Eventually you will get out of this situation.

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