Every day, when I wake up, I feel this strong sense of hate from someone. It’s not my family because I love my family and I know they want the best for me. I feel like it’s friends or the lack of friends I have. I want to befriend a particular group, but I have this feeling that they are not the right friends for me. I sleep on my bed every night and sometimes, I can’t sleep at all because I’m thinking about those friends. I feel like they want something from me in the night. When I look out my bedroom window, the trees look like the face of those friends? Are they living in the trees or are they living in my mind? I’m annoyed by these thoughts and feelings because it prevents me from having any friends. It’s like I hate those friends, I feel like they’re jealous of me, but everyone keeps telling me they’re not. I am in denial of admitting that they are not jealous. They are. Well, that’s what I think. Can they just get off my case and leave my life alone? or is it really me who can’t admit that I’m the problem and everything is fine with them? Why couldn’t they just talk to me? I feel like I have trauma from the past and how people treated me so I am becoming more defensive of how I react to other people who want to be friends with me. I feel like I can’t trust no one. sighh… and yet, I still want some friends and I want to stop being so moody every morning for no reason! Maybe I’m just tired or want more sleep! 🙂