Okay, I've been having SO many problems. I don't like my body, I hate myself so much, and I know I can't be perfect.
Whenever I post my mind on HERE, people like to smart mouth me and say sh*t. It's like on every single blog I post, I have to keep saying I'm Bi-polar, I lost a best friend to suicide, I've been raped and sexually abused, almost kidnapped in 6th grade, and being bullied every single day. If I don't, many look at me as someone who is completely hormonely imbalanced and give me sh*t for it. I'm mentally unstable which I have come to terms with.
I'm usually very positive and outgoing, but now, I just don't have the strength to even talk to anybody, not even on here. I pretty much have gone mute and is tearing up while writing this. I seriously feel like I have nothing left for me even though I do have a boyfriend whom I seriously love and a best friend who understands a lot of the things I'm going through. I try not to be selfish and not think about suicide and stuff, but it's so hard. I've been to so many counselors and therapists, but all it does it bring me down more no matter who I talk to.
I love my boyfriend, my family, and my best friend to death and I'm trying to stay strong for them. I seriously am and I don't want to cause them any pain… but the more I hold off, the more painful it is for ME. I can be put on a hundred meds, it'll just get worse. I think I'm done.
I have this feeling that I'm not gonna live after at least 23, maybe younger. I just don't see me growing up and having a family (yes, I want one), but I won't be mentally stable to be on my own for a while. I'm just getting sick of this. I'm being cyber bullied as well even though I say the nicest things. I hate how I look, I hate my size (even though I'm only 133 pounds) and I hate my breasts. Just looking at myself in the mirror disgusts me. You can say nobody is perfect and it's normal for someone my age to do this to myself, but that NEVER helps anybody. I'm just done.