I feel like I'm sinking down into quicksand. Every day gets progressively worse with the depression and anxiety and there's nothing I can really do about it. It took so much out of me to just get out of bed and take my son to school. As soon as I got home I changed back into my pj's and have stayed that way all day. I pushed myself and went shopping with my Mom for Christmas paper and bows, and then came home and wrapped presents with her for about 90 minutes. Normally I do really beautiful work on the presents, but today I didn't care and just wanted to get it done and it be over with.
I'd hate to see what I would be like today if my Mom weren't around to keep me sane. The anxiety and depression get worse when I'm alone. I feel like crying but it won't come. I think if I could cry I would feel better, but at the same time it would take more out of me than it's worth.
I'm trying so hard to getout of this muck, but it's just swallowing mebit by bit. I'm not suicidal but I am in a badway. I don't know what else to do ~ I'vetried going outside, going out, wrapping presents (which I usually enjoy), talking to my husband about how I feel,blogging about it on here, and many other things.Nothing seems to be helping. Many of my friends would tell me to call thepsychiatrist ~ but I just saw himabout 2 weeks ago. I don't want anymore medications than I already have in me. And my therapist is booked for thenext 2 weeks. I think she would be the biggest help because I could honestly talk to her about what's going on with me. I wish I knew.
The only reason I've been showering at all is because my husband makes me shower along with him. He knows thatif he doesn't do that there isn't much chance of me doing it myself. I don't evenremember when I last washed my hair. I know it's been more than 3 days. All I want is to sleep until this is over with;I don't care if it'sa few days or months. Just let me sleep until the anxiety and depression are gone.
I really don't have anything else to say.