Hi everyone I’m new here. I just got diagnoised with ocd. Everything is happening so fast!  I have hid my thoughts and behaviors till 3 days ago to my husband of 12 yrs. I’m so tired of thinking I’m crazy, I’m so tired of checking locks and plugs, and I’m so tired of having the thoughts that something terrible is going to happen to my family , I’m tired of talking to people and not looking them in the eyes, I’m so tired of me thinking everyone thinks I’m lying or that I’m bothering them. I’m just tired. The reason why I finaly said anything is because I’m so afraid my 13 yr old has it to. I started to notice things he was doing that was so close to the things I do. So I had to tell my husband so I could go to a doctor and find out what was wrong with me so I might be able to help my son. Everything has been crazy these last few days.  Just in a few days I found out I have ocd, I have to go to 2 different head doctors. One of them told me to just talk to my son about my issues and see how he reacts. Well I did, first he was quiet and then he says "mom I do all that stuff too. " It is almost like we have the same issues. I feel so bad that I have passed this on to my baby. Before when you would here about ocd you would here that they could control it. I thought it was a lack in faith in me. But I just can’t stop. My husband has been awesome. When I told him he said that this explains alot of things. He thought I was unhappy or freakin out because of him. The good thing that has come of me saying anything is that he knows now that it is not him it is me. I’m just scared. People till me it will get better. But I’m so afraid it won’t. I’m so tired of being crazy!!!! I’m so tired of picturing horrible accidents that my family might be in. It just seems like it is getting worse and I can’t stop. I want to stop so bad. Now my son is having to go threw it all too!!! If anybody has any advice or encouragement please write back. I found this site and decided to just lay it all out. I need your help!

4 Comments
  1. tziel 13 years ago

    Make sure you seek the care of a physician — it can be very helpful and liberating to get on the road to treatment. Good luck and hope you feel better.

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  2. tryingpatience 13 years ago

    Thank you! I hope it does work out. I’m just scared. I’ve dealt with it for so long. Im afraid they might think I’m an unfit mother and take my kids or want to lock me up in a hospital. I now these thought are most likely the ocd.  It is just going to be hard to trust the doctors. This is all so new I just don’t know what to expect from them. Thank you for the comment and advice

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  3. whitebug 13 years ago

    I found out that I had ocd too.  I thought I was going crazy too because I thought I was the only person on the planet who had these insane thoughts.  I didn’t even want to tell a therapist because I was worried that she would commit me to an insane asylum!!  I’ve had it since I was really young.  I’ve always had these really bad thoughts in my head that I just can’t get rid of kind of like a skipping record.  It drove me crazy and still does.  I use to think of my dad dying all the time.  I would see him covered in blood and in a gravesite or I would think of my mother being raped and sodomized or being dragged behind the back of a truck or think I was gay or seeing really bad things in general.  I would just cry and cry and feel like I was in a downward spiral that I could never get out of.  The one thing that helped me after like 30 years of having these bad thoughts was my therapist told me to read this book called The Imp of the Mind- Exploring the Silent Epidemic of Obsessive Bad Thoughts by Lee Baer PH D.  Just the title alone gave me relief!! I could not believe that someone wrote a book about exactly what I suffered from.  A lot of the stories in there were totally about me.  I couldn’t believe it!  The book says that people who have obsessive bad thoughts suffer from one of the most disturbing mental disorders and I agree.  But just knowing that I wasn’t the only one practically cured me.

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  4. tryingpatience 13 years ago

    Thank you everyone so so much! I read some of the comments earlier today and had to turn off the computer because I was crying. My son asked what was wrong and I told him this was the first time ever, with people ,that I could be my  true self. And the great thing is ,ya’ll understand!!!  I know it is going to be a rough road. This has only been open 5 days now. But I do have a relief that I told my husband and he is very supportive. The other great thing is that I found this site. I have to go to 2 different doctors they are suppose to work hand in hand. I got for my first real session ( since I have been diagnoised) next Wed. I’m really scared. I’m so scared she is going to want to take my kids or lock me up! But I promised my husband I would be truly honest. I had a ok today with the thoughts of death but a real bad day with stressing about things. It was so bad a kept pacing and couldn’t get anything done. I hate when that happens. GRRRR! But I just wanted to say thank you for the support and your stories. They really helped so I don’t feel alone!

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