When you have been sexually abused, every thing hurts. It hurts to exist. It hurts to do things that reminds yourself. It hurts to wear clothes you used to like. It hurts to breathe. It hurts to look nice or handsome. It hurts to like yourself and how you look. So you cover up. Try to be invisible. You self harm. You hate yourself. You always want to cry. You barely make it through every day. You starve yourself or overeat or overexercise or do drugs to numb the pain. It hurts to have your body. Your body is screaming all the time. You want so bad to crawl out of your skin. You may not know why because maybe you haven’t realized it was sexual abuse yet. You let people walk all over you because that’s how you were trained. You get abused or raped or assaulted again because abusers look for people like you. You get bullied. You get pushed around. You get made fun of. You scream scream scream inside every second. But hush hush,  they are just trying to help you, It hurts to eat fresh foods. You can’t be intimate with someone do to the fear that you will  cry and shake. You do not want to be seen. It hurts to walk in your body. It hurts to look at your body. It hurts when someone calls you attractive. It hurts when someone is even a little aggressive. It hurts too use the bathroom. It hurts when you see someone who looks like your abuser. You cry… You have nightmares about being trapped and getting raped. You can’t trust anyone. You can’t stand to be in your body. It hurts to have your self when because you’re sexual abuser used you as if you were an object. Everything crushes.  You numb down the best you can but what good does it do… you scream and cry and beg it stop. He dose it again and again and you just drown it out… You wanna be lifeless… You wanna just lay there and rot and die slowly… but surely… but the pain is burrowed deep inside tarring you up from the inside and what’s next suicide? No you tell your self, but what other option do You  have… You’ll cut and You’ll cut until I can’t think straight anymore. It’s hurts. I hurt…

3 Comments
  1. madhatter9 1 year ago

    You are so strong, Evan. We love you <3

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  2. mykdragon 1 year ago

    Be strong! YOU CAN, REALLY, YOU CAN. meditate and bring up your spirit.

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  3. condemned 1 year ago

    This is a powerful expression of what you have been feeling. It takes courage to share that.

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