just trying to 'unwrap' some thoughts that i've been holding on to for the past few months. but not going to say it in a straightforward manner cos my other blog has been discovered by my mother. she said it was "accidental".

so i'm really frustrated with work. i believe that everyone hates me or something. and i feel like they're talking about me when i'm not around. i'm especially frustrated with my colleague – lex. geez, he's known as 'the grumbler' cos he complains about lotsa things but when the boss is around he says things are fine.

for the first time in my life, i think i'm in love. but it's not going as smooth as i'd thought it would be. i'm just kind of confused now. i wonder if this man is for me? i love him to death, and just saying that alone gives me a weird feeling. why do i love him so? he has my heart. and sometimes it can hurt, too. i swear. my gosh. how am i to deal with such misery? love is not s'posed to feel this way, or should it? i'm no expert in this field. i don't think i've ever felt this way before. and i can't believe how i'm not afraid to open up to him. if it were other guys, i would be more reserved. i just feel so at ease with him.

i love the feeling of being with him cos the world just disappears. i wish i could be with him 24/7. i need him but can't show it cos i don't want to come across as needy. i want to cling to him but don't want to come off as clingy. i just… love him to death. you really do have my heart, jer. i love you. love you so much.