ok, well, here it is..

my story…..

it was oct 1 1999 when i met him.. not in person but over the CB radio.
he was a dump truck driver, i was on a construction crew.
we had talked for like 3 months.. never seeing each others faces..
we had already begun the 'relationship.'
finally we meet. yup. we were already in love. he asked me to move in; i accepted, so me and my 2 kids moved up to the east side and begun our new lives.

in 2001 he proposed. now the one thing that we had been doin was keepin fully stocked on the condoms..ALWAYS. NEVER did without. so when he proposed to me and i accepted we agreed that we were going to spend our lives together, we agreed we no longer needed the condoms…so out the window they went.

in march of 2002 – 2 weeks before we were to be married. i caught him in bed with another woman.
needless to say..WEDDING WAS OFF. i was totally moved out in 6 hours. done.

move on…met another man… another relationship.. back to the condoms.(ugh)….

time rolls on….

in March of 2003 i became ill.. nothing serious, just icky all the time. well, i had missed what seemed to be A LOT of work.. so i looked at the calendar.. yup.. missed 28 of 30 working days in a month! what a great boss i had tho.. very understanding! “take the day off again and go to the doctor.. get yourself better”

then the rash arrived.. on the upper thighs and lady area.. omg what an ugly rash!

took myself to my PCP and he suggested i go to my OBGYN.. ok..

the first thing she asked was “what is this rash?”
well duh!.. hello!…this is why i am here to see you! …
she tells me she wants me tested for syphyllis and hiv.. ok no problem..(the last thing i ever expected was for either of these things to be the problem.)

well then i got the news.. july 23, 2003 we are sorry to inform you that you have tested positive for the hiv virus.

finally got all the other testing done; 'you not only have the hiv virus, but you have gone into aids'.. life ended at that moment so it seemed.

now i had to go home and tell my boyfriend of only 6 months that i have aids. omg.. how am i going to tell him THIS kind of news…..

take a deep breath and be nothing but honest.

how was your doctor visit today? i broke down.. could not speak a word… huny. u r ok??? i lost it and screamed out NO!
he took me in his arms and just held me for the longest time… tell me! what is it?
well i tested positive for the hiv virus and after all the tests it seems as tho i have already gotten aids. he held me tight and cried with me. spoke softly in my ear sayin “i am not going anywhere baby.. we will get thru this together.” life begins again…

at this time i was in the wasting syndrome and as told by the doctor i was dying from the inside out. the next thing to fail was goin to be my kidneys if we didn't start treatments soon.
it was september before the state picked up on my medicaid.. kaletra, viread,and emtriva..along with MULTIPLE other medicines to get me back together..started out taking 21 pills in the morning and 19 at night.. omg.. is this my life???

1 year and 10 months into treatment i hit the UNDETECTABLE mark!! there is life after finding out you have aids!

i am now into year 4 of my new life.
talk about getting a second chance! wow!
i now consider july 23 to be my birthday.. even with a celebration party ~ along with my real b-day in august…

they say i contracted it in 2001.. as one of the very first questions of the billions they ask….was 'have you ever been with a man who has been with a man' and i had to answer yes. so it made it rather easy to point to the one who gave it to me….

check this out tho…. 6 months or so after i moved out of his house.. his daughter asked me the question of a lifetime…. “did my daddy ever tell you he was hiv positive?” WHAT???? OMG!!! THIS MUTHAFUKKA HAD IT AND NEVER BOTHERED TO TELL ME!!!! I AM GOING TO KILL HIM!!!!
well things change..tempers cool down and i have decided to let GOD handle him. he will get his.. and not by me.

***vengence is a wunnerful thing when your hands are clean***

well that is the way it went and how it goes today… me and my guy are still standing strong and deeply in love with each other.

i love my life and the people in it. my doctor is a godsend!

now i am trying to meet new friends who have been where i am going.. looking for ways to stay healthy as i can.. even tho i do alright.lol

just wanna use this site as the place i can go to let out mt feelings and maybe, MAYBE reveal the true me here.

i am so scared of running into someone online who knows me and my family that DOES NOT KNOW i have aids. and them runnin their mouths to all..i guess that is my biggest fear.

you see, in the first 6 months we were together, i-not knowing of the circumstances yet-passed the virus to him. his family has NO CLUE about this and i guess that is why i am sooooo scared. he and i both think that his family will be out to literally hurt me.. because i gave it to him. so we keep it under wraps…

so there it is. my story.
not real exciting, but true none-the-less.


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