Things aren’t bad, not really, but I find myself feeling so sad and inadequate. The reason why? A boy. He didn’t do anything to me, but thinking of him makes me happy and sad at the same time.

I’m young and I’ve never been in love, but I’ve never felt something for another human being like this. He’s everything I could ever ask for in a guy…The whole situation with him…although it sounds lame, reminds me a lot of the movie Serendipity…where being with a person feels so right, but somehow things never seem to work out at the same time. My most recent missed connection with him was when I suddenly withdrew from college due to my depression(I lied to him about why I left). He says he’s waiting for me, that he wants to pick things up when I get back. That’s not the problem.

This person, he’s everything I’m not and he has everything I don’t have. He’s smart, successful, popular with tons of friends. I was never popular and I’ll never be popular. As of now I basically…no literally have NO friends. I’m that awkward girl that never fits in. I’m that girl that never excelled at anything in high school. I’m that girl that doesn’t have a great resume, that doesn’t get the best grades…and he’s the guy that does. He doesn’t know that about me, he knows all about my outside but he doesn’t know the things I try to hide even from myself(but can’t). 

I can offer my affections, but on the inside I’ll always be that ugly nerd from middle school, the girl noone thought was pretty and everyone thought was weird. Who would want to be with that? He is so confident and happy, I feel like he lives the perfect charmed life, and my life is a nightmare in comparison. Do you ever feel like you can’t tell someone who is sooo happy how sad you are? They just wouldn’t understand and you would feel worse. I almost feel like I can’t be with someone like that, because inevitably I would bring their life down.