I am knew to this website, so please be patient with me as this is the first time I am writing about my feelings, what is causing my anxiety, and why I am frustrated.

 

First of all, I am not even sure where to begin.  It seems my anxiety get worse with age.  Even more so now that I am pregnant with my second child.  I was on medication for anxiety, but had to change meds to a "safer" drug for pregnant women. Needless to say, it is not working as well as I would like.  I do have the option to increase, but really do not want to. This pregnancy was a surprise.  My husband and I decided to only have one child.  For me, it was because of my anxiety.  I worry so much about my daughter, I did not think I would have the stamina to worry about another child.  But, even through practicing birth control, we ended up pregnant with #2.  I guess a "higher power" thinks I can do this.

 

For me, my anxiety deals mainly with fear of illness.  I am not talking about cancer or any other disease.  I am talking basic day to day illnesses(such as and especially stomach issues mainly vomiting.) I am sorry to be gross, but it scares me and stirs up anxiety.  I am not sure why.  I have mentioned this to my mom and she thinks this stemmed from my very early childhood. When I was very little, before I started school, my grandmother used to watch me while my parents were at work.  My great grandfather(grandmother\'s father) was very sick.  Apparently, when he had his worse spells, he would loose control of his bodily functions and it was pretty messy and scary.  I saw it all although I do not remember.  My great grandmother was in better health, but suffered with her heart at times and my grandmother would find her on the toilet, getting sick, passed out and turning gray.  My grandmother is a very emotional person so I guess her reaction may have caused me anxiety as a toddler/preschooler.

All I know is this is very frustrating.  My anxiety is so bad, I do not sleep at night.  I wake up worried about things I cannot control.  I have difficulty living in the moment cause in the back of my mind I am scared about a bad thing that could happen.  I really hope this website helps.  Any advise and/tips are appreciated.  If you have read this whole blog, thank you! 

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