I keep trying to write something and then quitting. I don't know why but I start and then I stop. This is the 4th or 5th entry I've begun in the last hour.

Let's see, what is bothering me…

My weight and my bass akwards sleep schedule for starters. It is just so horribly hot out sometimes that I can't take it. I wake up with my skin burning and can't stand going out to even try exercising. I'm sorry but I just can't take it. Call me whiny, call me picky, whatever, I just don't like the heat. I'm not a huge outdoorsy type of girl. I used to be but I'm almost 22 now and things change and I just hate it.

I want to try getting a Wii since I like games and maybe I'll be able to bust my butt in the privacy of my own room — where I won't have to cook. But I am afraid to spend $200 on it. I only have $360 left from working last summer.

I'm thinking of getting a job when I go back to school. I'm scared. I have really bad nerves and am overwhelmed easily so I'm thinking of seeing a counselor on a regular basis to try and keep me straight. I'm so bad that I'm even afraid of flunking my classes now, months before they even begin. I've never flunked a class but I still fear it. I got all B's last quarter which I think brought my GPA down from a 3.5 to a 3.25 and it kind of upset me.

Did I mention that I'm a tad obsessive? >.>

It's midnight, I'm not tired. I wanted to read a while ago but my brother was being really loud so I gave up and took a bath. My boyfriend's grandparents are visiting so I haven't had any time with him and I've been dealing with my cranky mood alone.

I want to get a new phone, I've had mine for four years and am due for a new one very soon (actually, I could have gotten one two years ago, mine is only just now starting to have problems). I want to give my Dad like $50 towards a data plan so that I can get a somewhat nice phone while they're dirt cheap but even if I offer to pay, he'll say, "Why would you need that bullshit?" God forbid cell phone carriers let you have the nice phones without forcing a data package on you these days. What total assholes. So basically, without the data plan, I can only pick between 9 phones and, naturally, most of them have reviews that go something like this:

"Cheaply made"
"Low battery life"
"Voices sound muffled"

Of course, right? That's the whole damn scam. The cheapest plan I can get is $9.99 a month and, of course, it's a total ripoff but, again, I'd give my Dad $50 towards it which would cover 5 months and then hopefully, by then, I'll have a job. If not, well, I have more in the bank so I can fund a year's worth of the data plan on my phone. He just tends to decide how to spend my money for me…

Why bother getting a job over the summer if I'm treated like a child anyways? I'm glad I took the summer off in that respect because I'm not making money just to ask my Daddy what he wants me to do with it. I don't spend a lot, I really don't…why do I need monitored? I know it's about power, about him deciding what is right and wrong, but he isn't always the best guy to ask for advice to begin with.

Meanwhile, my boyfriend's sister is allowed to make her own decisions. She currently owes thousands of dollars, not just to her school but also to her team of therapists.

Yes, team. Her life is so bad that she needs a team. I mean, no one here has even half the trouble she does. Seriously. She has a huge wardrobe, a big bedroom all to herself, all the makeup and shoes a girl could ever ask for and she never gets in trouble, parties, and does whatever she wants, with whoever she wants, whenever she wants.

Really. You guys should all just stop whining about being depressed and in pain because you have no idea what depression and pain are until you have your parents buy you a car and several phones and thousands of dollars worth of clothes every month.

Oh, and even though she owes probably 6 figures by now, her parents are supporting her decision to purchase a car that she'll be making $200 payments on every month for the next 5 years…assuming she keeps up with the payments because past actions predict her bailing on the debt and using the excuse, "lyke im bulimic lol".

Which, by the way, she is not.

This is also assuming that she doesn't wreck it before she finishes paying it off. She has been in more automobile accidents than anyone else I know. The dumbass can't even back out of her own driveway without hitting every other car there. So far, she's hit my boyfriend's car and her Dad's car and then I think she banged his up again later on while driving it. So yeah, buying what will turn out to be about a $12,000 car when she's already in debt and is still in college is obviously a bright idea because the chances of her being out of work in the future or trashing it are slim…

And yet, yeah, I'm not allowed to make my own decisions. The girl with the good grades and good work history.

Go figure.

I guess the lesson here is that as long as your parents are idiots and you are a spoiled rotten princess who never has to deal with the consequences of your actions, life is great.


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