In addition to my OCD, I also have a pretty nasty case of social anxiety, something I blame largely on the OCD. Because, well, being formally diagnosed with OCD at the age of 10 and struggling with it throughout the middle and high school years can really put a damper on social development. I was a shy kid before the OCD took over, but I'm pretty sure it just made things worse. Anyway, with the combination of the two, it is sometimes hard to tell where one disorder starts and the other begins. I mean, it's pretty clear when the issue at hand is contamination or counting or some other issue clearly related to OCD, but what about the social stuff? How does that get categorized? Like when I say or do something in a social situation (or do absolutely nothing at all but look like a big awkward oaf) and replay the situation over and over again, thinking to myself all the things I could have done, should have done, and how I'm never going to have that opportunity again, telling myself I probably screwed up for good that time. Because situations like those have little pieces of each, a whole hodge podge of anxiety trying pretty darn hard to make me go nuts. 

I guess ultimately it doesn't matter how any particular fear is formally categorized, all that matters is that I am scared and that the thought is bothersome. But I guess I do like to contribute those kinds of things to my OCD, just to make it seem like I don't have two "disorders". But I guess it is what it is. I'm taking a Counseling Psychology class this semester that has actually been really helpful for me in some respects. Not so much in dealing with the actual anxiety, but with putting things in perspective. My professor, a licensed counselor, said she uses the "Serenity Prayer" with her clients, and I keep reminding myself of what it says, mostly the part about accepting the things I cannot change. I cannot stand people not liking me, it just really does not sit well with me and it's something I have a REALLY hard time getting past. This is a really good reminder for me that there are going to be people in this world, probably plenty of them, who don't like me for one reason or another, but all of that is out of my control and no amount of worrying is going to change that. All I can do is work on myself, being the best person I can be, and letting everything work out the way God has planned. It's hard trying to change my thinking, trying to realize that not all people who come into my life are meant to be my best friends and stick around forever, but I'm working on it. 


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