Good mornin Tribe!!! The sun is shining, the birds are singing. The coffee is soooo good this mornin. Hope everyone slept well … I did for the most part, woke up a couple of times, wondering if Matthew was hungry! They only get 3 ready made meals for the 54 hr Crucible. Awww, bless they hearts … lol, hey, I'm Mom …

Have had something else on my heart. Believing. It is so hard to just believe at times. Esp during a really bad episode of anxiety.

All the "feelings" that come with theattacks, the thoughts. They are tormenting. And I for one am sick of being tormented.

I could use pillsand become a zombie, or turn back to drinking to numb it.But I refuse to go back to that darkness.I lived in that for far too long!

I will continue to JUST BELIEVE that I am whole. And when my faith islittle, when I have thesetormenting thoughts, I will ask for strength and peace.

Most have been supportive of my belief in God's Word. Some have questioned it. And thats ok, I pray for them too!

I do not believe cuz I was raised in church or that I'm a PK … I believe because I have seen it with my own eyes! I have seen God move in a way that is amazing … and thats what we need today in our world. A move so great that no one can deny it. Yes, we should believe without having to see it, but even in the Bible, there were those who had to see to believe.

I can not see right now that I am whole, with nothing missing, nothing broken. But I choose to just believe …………

Have an amazing day my friend … God loves u (yes, even u) and so do I …

Shell 🙂

2 Comments
  1. miti 8 years ago

    Hi Shell –
    I am thinking of your son today and hoping that he is finding the experience of the Crucible as something which is building his body and spirit. I\'m sorry to hear that you are feeling tormented. . . this will pass, just as the experience that your son is going through, even though it is so hard to remember. I try REALLY hard to find one bright spot in the day and concentrate on that when I am feeling really bad. Maybe you could concentrate on the fact that your son is already part way through his trial, and when he finishes, he will have accomplished his goal and come out the other side with more than he had going in. Hope you have a good day. . . ONE DAY AT A TIME – and sometimes ONE HOUR AT A TIME. It makes the future a little less daunting. Keep believing! ( and just a p.s – I do take meds for my anxiety, and I can honestly say that if you are able to find a doc who understands you and is willing to work with you, there are meds that can really make you feel whole again, with no \”zombie\” effect. Just a thought. . .)

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  2. Shelley5716 8 years ago

    Hey ya\'ll … yeah, had a couple teary moments today, but I\'m good … he\'ll be home in one week!!!! Thanks so much for ur love and support …

    Shell

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