I've reached the point where I just don't want to go on with this life, I'm fought out and I have nothing to look forward to. I believe my service to life is ended and therefore, is over for me. I have had many sorrows, many triumps.
In one last motion in life I wish I could do something good.
Sucide seems self centered. Those of us who live with this feeling understand its so much more.
My so called boyfriend Dan, whom I believed in greatly, is a disappointment. My children are gone, my fault, my sister is a stranger with whom I love but allowed me to be hurt and never recover. My mom is wonderful in that she let me come and live here, even though she has problems that make her crazy, she to has deeply hurt me by with holding my birth right, and so much more. I have been blessed with great people and ripped to shreds by evil people, unfortunately the bad come and keep coming. I no longer long for certain things anymore faced with the reality that no one will ever help me on the level I require.
My life is lost, over, done. One day I'll have the courage to end it and all it will take is for you to hurt me, I no its coming, like a knife to my throat.
It sucks to feel like somethings wrong with you all the time and not be able to get help, god i wish i had a gun, but plastic works just as good.
I thought about stepping out in front of a car,but I don't want to hurt anyone else, ever! I will though, I know.
I thought of taking pills and going to sleep with a plastic bag over my head, but can't do that either, wouldn't want anyone to find me, so back to being miserable at least no one else will get hurt, just me, but I'm suppose to just keep being sweet and wonderful, mean and crazy, unhappy, poverty stricken, sit here and wait.
Either way natural death or by my own hand, someone will be hurt, blame themselves, its not about you, its about me and the ending of my life, dreams, hopes, ambitions, living with nothing to look forward to, no one to turn to, no job, no car, no heath care, no anything just whatever comes along, this isn't me, with the ringing of your voice when I was in despair telling me to get a job(my daughter) the ringing of your voice telling me I make bad decisions after taking care of you and saving your life,(My x Legh), the ringing of your voice telling me you were taking my belongings after i helped you bury Shay( Diane and Kieth)my best friends, oh how I loved you guys, the ringing of your voice telling me you were going to get me a car, help me get medical help, help me heal and move onto a beatiful live of love, someone to lift me up, be there, etc. ( Dan my current bf) who drove off and left me without anything. I feel hatred now, not good. I feel sorrow now not good.
I realize everyday that goes by I get closer to my death, you no the one where you don't breath anymore, that's all I have left is the air I breath and it hurts my body, I want it to end.
One last breath.Why is that so dam hard.