I checked my last blog and I am surprised I wrote it just the other week, felt like it had been a few days.

I came back because I’m having another night of suffocating in my sadness and like other nights, this will be another sleepless one.

I just needed to get this off of me somehow, these thoughts are overwhelming.

Same thoughts came back from my last blog post but much worse. I just want to be alone right now and not worry about anything. I want a higher being to tell me that it will work out fine. That everything will work out fine. And that we will all be happier later. Because right now, I’m terrified. I am scared and slowly dying from my thoughts and worries. I’m scared to leave everything. I’m scared to be selfish. I don’t know what to do. I need help. I  need answers.

I have lost all selfish dreams and thought to give up my life to my family. its the only thought thats keeping me alive. i probably wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for them.

this account would have continued to be still without me coming back. ending my life seems like a bright idea right now. this is much to hard for me to continue. or maybe i should consider sleeping pills like in the movies. I’ve never taken them before. i realise how bad my thoughts are as soon as i ask myself what would be the painless way to go. i think not knowing is going to keep me alive right now. though google is right there.

I opened it and I closed it, right before I could read the main part. I am not ready for this. I hesitated. Most likely for the reason of not knowing, to keep myself here.