It seems it doesn't matter anymore. I am more of a single friendless person who most people usually don't get it. I've beent rying ot make some friends online and in school. But I guess I am just one of the people who are mostly on their own. Soem say they still feel lonely even with family, children, partner, friends around them. I know the feeling because I was feeling alone to even in the time when I was still living with my parents and visited my other family members frequently. I don't know what it's like to have children or a partner but I do know I have a feeling that I am always alone and misunderstood even when I try to explain myself or contact others.
I have had some great online friends before but no more contact with them since they moved on and are busy with their own lives. Most people I chat with online dont keep in contact for the long term. Which is understandable. Whatever, to make the whole story a little bit shorter: I kind of give up trying to make new social contacts. I'm tired of getting hurt by others. So now if I get hurt I guess I will only have myself to blame, doesn't matter since i's easier to come in terms with yourself by doing whatever you feel like doing at the moment.
I'm not giving up on the whole life yet. Will try to finish my book and finish college. maybe I will be able to live for work if it is something I really like and look forward too. Learn new things even on my own, better than nothing. If not possible there are other 'life' options I'm considering.
I am still open to support whoever needs my support or whoever onhere who thinks it's something to talk to me. Whatever the case is like my tittle it doesn't really matter anymore for me. Nobody to blame now but myself. I am like this and I guess I will have to learn to live alone forever.