I really like that campaign which is the title of my blog today..im going on a limb..i read ppls blogs and respond to what i am up to but pls know, i care..before i was born, my real mom was married then seperated..she hooked up with a married man, got preggy and her husband took her back..i was suppose to be the miracle to hold everything together..they divorced when i was 3..although i dont remember the abuse from my birthmother but i have the police and court reports..the last straw i guess was when she locked me in a closet for 3 days while she left town..my stepfather had since remarried a harsh woman..my stepfather and aunt argued for a year as to who had to take me..during that time i lived in florida with my grandma then shipped to my stepfathers family in oklahoma..the reports still echo thru my head..then enter the foster system..1st home was temp but they were kind..the next home i was severely abused by the foster mother..teachers saw the bruises and did nothing..caseworkers kept their mouths shut..what happened in that home was unthinkable..starved, forced to pee in a literbox, beaten..thats as far as i want to go..then it was back to my step parents..sexually abused by my step father, step brother and excessively by the neighbor..when i finally said something about the neighbor, the cop and social worker were paid to keep their mouths shut..back into group homes and foster homes..so much documentation of how i never met anyones expectations…see a foster child is disposable..if they dont perform as expected..out you go..i never formed my own personality..i could not even pick my own religion..my last foster home, my foster brother assulted me..i was forced to marry while i was in hs as i turned 18 and the state would not pay anything for me anymore..i graduated hs and divorced..i moved to utah, met a man, got preggy and married..my son died while i was in labor..i was deserted by friends and my last foster family,,i ended up divorcing when he was kicked out of the navy..got pregnant and have been a single parent since her birth..i have been insulted, hated, discriminated against..sought therapy in fall of 2000..my psychologist is wonderful although i feel my entire soul has been torn out..i have been hospitalized many times, suicidal, self injured and now am on disability..i was dx with depression back at age 5 but never treated..i have severe depression, ptsd, anxiety and the list goes on..why i wake up everyday..i know not..i have no fear of hell because there is nothing they can do to me that hasnt already happened and i dont want heaven as i dont ever want to meet God..i dont know why i blogged this or what it could even mean to anyone else..i dont want to just survive..i want to thrive..if i have offended anyone, you’ll be standing in a very long line..

2 Comments
  1. brokenfairy_38 14 years ago

    Your blog has brought me to tears. The life you’ve led is so simular to my own. Group homes, good and bad foster homes,parents and other family that just doesn’t want you around, the loss of a child and divorce! Plus, all the all the blasted hopital visits!
    It’s wonderful that you want to thrive and live life again and not give up. You’re just not a survior, You ARE an overcomer!

    Your blog has given me stregth, I’ve often wondered if ever I’ll find some kind of peace within myself, after all during the time when I should have been learning how to make and keep friends I was unable to due to never being in one place no longer than 3 months at a time. I’m socially stunted! Thanks, your blog gives me such hope!

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  2. beavoice 14 years ago

    How can sharing your heart and soul offend? And if it does thats THEIR problem not yours. There are alot of questions that I want answers to. The most important one is WHY? Why are children made to live or should I say ENDURE this way? Thank you for giving ones that are CLUELESS an insight into the life of SO MANY! Thank YOU for BEING A VOICE!

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